Just Call Me Jonah

Last year I wrote several posts putting down volunteerism in general. After being very involved for several years volunteering in different arenas, I decided to take a firm stand and do absolutely no volunteering while I had a newborn at home. I really felt comfortable and free, and it became easier and easier for me to say no.

Somewhere along the line I started to get my energy back, and to feel I could take on more challenges. I guess it was around the time we started actually sleeping through the whole night. My youngest was about 18 months old then. It took about 6 months to catch up on all the sleep I had missed, and by the time she was 2 I felt ready to take on the whole world again.

I signed up to teach my daughter’s 8th grade Catechism class, and have been reading The Catechism of the Catholic Church over the summer, in addition to the regular textbook. I picked the earliest Saturday morning slot because I didn’t want it to interfere with softball or cross country after school, or softball games later on Saturdays. I was lounging in the pool or on the beach for half the summer, and the whole task of getting ready for this seemed pretty daunting to me, when I got a request to do something else in addition to this.

Back when we were homeschooling, I helped to teach a Little Flowers group for two years. Little Flowers is meant to be a cooperative effort, with all the mothers taking turns teaching about the saints that little girls should emulate, and the coordinating virtues they should acquire. It is a well-organized program with lots of room for games and friendship time.

My friend was very interested in this program and, know I was experienced with it, asked me if I would consider heading up a group at the church. I told her I didn’t know if I could take on something else right now. I kept hedging all summer, but never really said no. While in Tennessee I decided I would come back and say I just couldn’t do it right now.

The day after I came back, my friend called and asked if I had proposed the program to the church yet. “Umm, no, I thought we were going to talk about it first,” I said, and before I knew it I was in the office of the new Director of Religious Education selling a program that I loved, all the time actually hoping he would say no. “God’s will be done,” I thought, “If He really wants me to do this, it will be approved.”

I was so mad at myself for being so persuasive. Within a day the program was approved by the DRE and pastor, with a room reserved for me through March. (That I made perfectly clear: I am busy with baseball after March.)

I was telling all this to a friend over lunch yesterday and she said to me, “What, are you waiting for a whale to swallow you up? You sound like Jonah!”

Then she gave me several ideas on how to make this a cooperative effort, which is exactly what Little Flowers is meant to be. “You don’t have to be a one-woman show,” she said. I admitted I really don’t enjoy doing crafty things with 12 little girls who need help with gluing or threading needles. The actual teaching and organizational stuff is what I love.

I don’t want to be like Jonah, sitting under a withering gourd in the desert sun, cursing God for the task he was sent to do. I think the lesson of Jonah is more about attitude than anything else. He obeyed God but didn’t enjoy it. We are called to “be cheerful in all that you do”.

By the way, I don’t know why everyone got it into their heads that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. (They also think Adam and Eve ate an apple, when the Bible just says it was a piece of fruit; perhaps it was a pomegranate.) The Bible says he was swallowed by a “big fish”. Whales are mammals, not fish; perhaps it was a great shark.

Jonah
Chapter 2 (NAB)
1
But the LORD sent a large fish, that swallowed Jonah; and he remained in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.
2
From the belly of the fish Jonah said this prayer to the LORD, his God:
3
Out of my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me; From the midst of the nether world I cried for help, and you heard my voice.
4
For you cast me into the deep, into the heart of the sea, and the flood enveloped me; All your breakers and your billows passed over me.
5
Then I said, "I am banished from your sight! yet would I again look upon your holy temple."
6
The waters swirled about me, threatening my life; the abyss enveloped me; seaweed clung about my head.
7
Down I went to the roots of the mountains; the bars of the nether world were closing behind me forever, But you brought my life up from the pit, O LORD, my God.
8
When my soul fainted within me, I remembered the LORD; My prayer reached you in your holy temple.
9
Those who worship vain idols forsake their source of mercy.
10
But I, with resounding praise, will sacrifice to you; What I have vowed I will pay: deliverance is from the LORD.
11
Then the LORD commanded the fish to spew Jonah upon the shore.

Painting by Buarnarotti Michelangelo. "Jonah", 1511.

The Wind in the Window

Island Breeze

“Therefore, from the day we heard this, we do not cease praying for you and asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.” Colossians 1:9

As spiritual as we try to be, most of us still have to earn a living so we can eat. When we have worldly ambitions, sometimes it seems like all the doors are slamming in our faces. Sometimes it is just our pride that is hurt. Other times, it is much more: death, illness, a lost job. When we feel discouraged, a good friend will remind us to pray. Then we remember to ask God, “What is your will for me right now?” We have to be really quiet, and then maybe we will feel a gentle breeze coming through a previously unknown window. We wish we had thought to ask earlier. “Oh, so that is what you have for me. Why didn’t I see it before?”

Prayer: “What is your will for me right now?”

Back onto the Volunteer Path

If you’ve been following my blog you might think I am down on volunteerism. I think if you have the calling, and you have enough time and energy AFTER fulfilling your duties to your family, it is a natural fulfillment of the “works” part of our faith. What I am down on is exhausting oneself in too many avenues so that there is not enough left for the family at home, as well as one’s own spiritual development.

Sometimes it is necessary to pull back in some of these areas. Maybe a child needs some extra attention, or you or a family member are ill. In the past, I have had the tendency to accept too many commitments, and I had to go cold turkey when my fourth child was born. It’s kind of like my obsession with books. I have way too many, and know I am incapable of walking into a book store without buying more – so I try to stay away from book sales of any kind, unless I have a real need for a specific book. For three years I have avoided any kind of sign-up sheet, knowing just one more thing could put me over the edge. (Read about the bake sale that almost broke this camel’s back.)

After the birth of each child, it takes me a bit longer to get used to all the extra responsibilities, before I feel like I’ve gotten into the swing of things and can take on more. Almost three years later, I am finally ready to take on the commitment of catechist once again. I really feel great about this, mostly because I get to be my own child’s teacher in preparation for her Confirmation.

When I taught the sixth grade religious education class, I found that I learned as much from the experience as my students did. I loved to hear what questions they had, even if I didn’t know the answer yet. I would write them down and eagerly research a response. In the preparation of my classes I would dig deep into scripture, the Church documents, and the lives of the saints, and found myself developing spiritually as well as in my knowledge of the Church.

The religious education director at my parish sees me quite often in a variety of capacities, especially now that I have a son ready to make his First Communion. She answered the bell today, asking how she could help me. Usually I have some kind of request for the pro-life group or a question about the Communion. I was here to help her, I replied. Relief washed over her face. I had thought I might have trouble with my request to teach my daughter’s eighth grade class, but she happily gave it to me.

It was with great excitement that I walked out of the religious education office with my hefty teacher’s manual, food for thought over the summer. I’m ready to order myself an official copy of The Catechism of the Catholic Church and give myself a good education. And I will be tuning in to EWTN as often as possible to see what those great teachers have to offer my soul.

Painting above: The Calling of St. Peter, Hans Suss von Kulmbach, 1514-16

“My Vocation, Love: 1896”: Chapter 9 of “The Story of a Soul”*

I have been reading “The Story of a Soul”, by St. Therese of Lisieux. (See below for links to my previous posts on this book.) This chapter is comprised of what had been known as “Manuscript B”, and is written in the form of a letter to her older sister, Sister Marie of the Sacred Heart.

Therese narrates a dream she had in which the Venerable Mother Anne of Jesus told her that she did not have long on this earth, and that God was very happy with her.

She speaks of the great vocations she wishes she could fill. Her greatest dream is that of martyrdom. She writes: “When I think about all the torments that will be the lot of Christians at the time of the Antichrist, I feel my heart leap, and I would like for those torments to be reserved for me.”

How many times have I feared having to raise my children in the end times? Yet we are not to be afraid. That she would welcome suffering for Christ is so mysterious to me. Yet aren’t we told, “Blessed are those who are persecuted for My sake?”

Then she describes how she came to the slow realization that she could fill all these vocations by embracing the vocation of Love.

“…I understood that Love contains all the Vocations, that Love is all, that it embraces all times and all places…in a word, that it is Everlasting! Yes, I have found my place in the Church, and that place, my God, You have given me…In the Heart of the Church, my Mother, I will be Love…That way I will be everything…that way my dream will become a reality!!!”

How many times have I heard other educated stay-at-home moms say things like, “I got a Masters’ Degree for THIS?” Our parents gave us a good education and encouraged us to pursue our dreams. Then we decided not to use it in the work force. Sometimes we wonder what we could have done if we had stayed on the career path. I know I still have lofty dreams of vocations I would like to fill in the future, while also continuing my writing: missionary tops the list. I once thought I might want to be a nun; I guess it’s too late for that. But Love is the Vocation of all mothers. In that we can accomplish all things.

Yes, I have found my place in the World, and that place, my God, You have given me…In the Heart of my Home, I will be Love…That way I will be everything…that way my dream will become a reality!!!

*The chapter divisions differ from translation to translation. The one I am reading is translated and edited by Robert J. Edmonson, Paraclete Press, 2006. The writings that have come down as “Manuscript B” comprise the ninth chapter of this book.

For my reflections on the first eight chapters, please see my previous posts:
Chapters 1-4
Chapters 5-8

More Reflections on the Little Flower: “The Story of a Soul” Chapters 5-8*

I have been reading “The Story of a Soul”, by St. Therese of Lisieux. For my reflections on the first four chapters, please see my previous post.

The first four chapters dwelt on Therese’s early childhood. The next four chapters detail her desire to entire Carmel and the trials she had to endure in order to be allowed entry into it at the early age of 15. After her beloved “second mother”, her sister Pauline, entered Carmel, her next oldest sister Marie became her confidant. Marie soon followed into Carmel, and she and her sister Celine kept each other company.

When all the powers-that-be said “no” to her early entry into Carmel, she had the gumption to ask Holy Father for permission. Her doting father and sister Celine accompanied her to Rome, where her suffering was enhanced by a not-so-clear answer. But finally the answer came, and she was permitted to enter Carmel after her fifteenth birthday, and after Lent. Having to wait those three extra months was horrible for her. Rather than fill it with delightful activities that she would be unable to partake of once she was behind the walls of the convent, she used that time to mortify herself by breaking her will as much as possible.

Her first months at Carmel were stringent, allowing none of the comforts she was used to having. Mother Marie de Gonzague was a strict abbess, and she took that as a blessing. She thought it would have bode ill for her if she had been spoiled as the little one. Certain mysterious occurrences such as the replacing of her favorite water pitcher with an old, cracked one, and of her nice vase with an ugly one, were also accounted for as blessings. You might read between the lines to think that some of the sisters were persecuting her by taking away even these small luxuries. But she never speaks bitterly of the treatment she receives during this time, saying any suffering she received was embraced as good for her soul.

The day of the taking of the veil was one of great preparation, being the wedding of the young soul to Christ. Therese was a great lover of simplicity, and the fuss that went into the making of her garments for that day was special in that it was so unusual for her. But at the last moment she was suddenly filled with doubt, which she confessed to Mother Genevieve. This earthly angel soothed her fears, saying that she too had gone through the same thing, and Therese’s faith in her calling was renewed.

But her father was sick, and she was quite alone that day, having no family to witness the ceremony. Celine stayed with her father until he died. She too soon followed into Carmel.

Therese regained some freedom when she became one of the only ones who did not succumb to an outbreak of influenza. Mother Marie was often ill and for a time, her oldest sister Pauline, who had for so long acted as Therese’s “second mother”, replaced Mother Marie as the abbess, becoming known as Mother Agnes. This seemed to be the fulfillment of Therese’s calling to have Pauline as her mother in more than one way. She also had her three living sisters with her in the same convent. Altogether the siblings made eight, which at one point is described symbolically as the eight petals of a flower. In the present-day Little Flowers group, eight petals (badges for the virtues gained) and a center are sewn together to make a “wreath” of virtues.

It is remarkable to me how Therese embraced suffering. Rather than ask “why” when her father goes through a lengthy illness that included mental instability, with only her sister Celine by his side, she counts it all as one of the crosses she must bear. This part really touched me, as I have a father who suffers from multiple sclerosis, and he lives too far away for me to be with him for any great length of time. I also must accept that this may be the cross that he must bear, and that one day I will come to understand it. All of us have our own crosses, and we must ask for God’s grace to help us to bear them if that is His will, rather than to take them away.

*The chapter divisions differ from translation to translation. The one I am reading is translated and edited by Robert J. Edmonson, Paraclete Press, 2006. The writings that have come down as “Manuscript A” comprise the first eight chapters of this book.

Ruth’s Legacy: The Calling of a Wife and Mother

I started my notes on this post on Nov. 5, while at my daughters’ cross-country meet. I had actually felt called upon to writing about Ruth while doing a mini-series on Callings back in September. I have to admit I was not very excited about the prospect. Ruth was a good girl and nothing very exciting happened to her. Unlike Esther, whose tale is highly dramatic. (She has always been my favorite – but I’ll have to save her for another post. See how I really don’t want to write about Ruth? And yet I feel compelled to.)

Wait just a minute here. Did I say nothing exciting ever happened to Ruth? How about becoming a widow, leaving your country with your mother-in-law, changing your religion, being thrust into a totally new culture, and then having to find a husband to take care of you and your mother-in-law? All this is told so succinctly, in such a matter-of-fact fashion, that you have to stop and re-read to let it all sink in.

After re-reading Ruth’s brief biography – which is only four chapters long – I knew I was going to need some time to thoroughly dissect it. For she was simple and good, and yet so much complexity lay underneath her actions, which were further complicated by distinct cultural morays. And her life account ends immediately after she gives birth to Obed, as if that was the sum total of her existence. Not exactly what we modern mothers want to hear, is it?

Then I thought of my own family tree. I have the advantage of having had young parents and grandparents, who could remember several generations back. I have recorded their names, countries, and careers, if any. What stories have I heard about them? Most of them relate to the romance that led to the marriages, and the subsequent children they had. After all, that is what a family tree is.

I believe Ruth’s place in the Jesse Tree is the primary reason for her inclusion in the Old Testament. She most likely had a wonderful life, having a loving husband who held a good position in the community. She may have gone on to do many fulfilling things. We don’t hear about that because it is not pertinent to her role in the ancestry of Jesus.

There are many days when we mothers may feel as if we were cut out for much more than picking up after the house, breaking up fights between siblings, and making dinner. It is then that we must freeze that moment in time and fit it into a larger timeline. Imagine that one day on the timeline of your whole life, from birth to (hopefully) old age. How many years out of your life will you actually spend caring for children? Perhaps 20 – a quarter of your life. Now imagine that upon this quarter of your life rests your legacy – what your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren will be told about you. The other three-quarters can be used as you wish. That sounds like a real bargain.

Suddenly, I no longer feel the need to dissect the story of Ruth any further. I have gleaned from her story all I need to at this point in my life. Perhaps when I am older I will read it again and find something else.

Ruth and Boaz are symbolized on the Jesse Tree as a symbol of wheat. The suggested readings are Ruth 1:16; 2:2, 8, 10-12; 4:13-14

Painting: “Ruth Gleaning.” James Tissot, 1896-1900. Christian Theological Seminary

The Bake Sale that Almost Broke the Camel’s Back

I love to bake. I love to bake from scratch. Most of all, I love it when I bake something from scratch and it comes out perfectly.

I love to know that I lovingly prepared something delicious and special for my family, from the best ingredients I could afford. I love that they appreciate the time it took, and that it tastes better just because I made it.

I love to learn new recipes from my beloved cookbooks, and to teach the skills to my children so they can do the same for their own families.

There used to be a Holly Hobby plaque hanging in the kitchen of my childhood home. It said the “secret ingredient” was love. Scientific studies have actually shown that, given all the same ingredients, positive emotion put into baking actually has a healthy effect on the receiver!

I love to bring cakes for family birthday parties. I am known among my in-laws as the cake baker, and they love both my Hershey’s Cocoa Chocolate Cake and my white angel cake. I make the same ones for every occasion, with a variation on the decorative icing, and they never tire of them.

I enjoy sending my children in to school with cupcakes on their birthdays. I usually make these from a mix, for a number of reasons. First of all, I have to make several batches of cupcakes, and it just is not feasible time-wise for me to do these all from scratch. I will save that time for making the cake we will eat together as a family. Second of all, most children really cannot differentiate between a baked-from-scratch cake and one purchased from a store. So, while I know they are receiving superior ingredients, they do not, and so part of the pleasure is lost.

Several times a year, I am called upon to bake something for a bake sale. If I have the time, I really do not mind doing this. However, very often it happens to be at the very worst time for me. I just know that it will be something I will regret having committed to. They also expect you to write down what you will be making, and I really do not bake that way. I do not have the time to select a recipe and go shopping for the specific ingredients required. I keep a well-stocked pantry and bake according to what ingredients I have available. What if I say I will make chocolate-chip cookies and someone eats the chocolate chips the night before? And if I happen to have enough frozen bananas I might feel like making a huge batch of banana bread – if I do not have enough, I am not going to go buy over-ripe bananas for the occasion. So I really dislike having to commit to making a specific item.

There was one time when I signed up and had such a busy day that I was still whipping it up at midnight. Then, after I had carefully wrapped up the box of goods, my child forgot to bring it to school! I received a telephone call from the bake sale coordinator, asking if I could bring it in. I really did not have the time to drive to the school that day, and had to apologize. From that day on, I decided never to sign up for a bake sale. If I had the time, I would make something and they would be pleasantly surprised. If not, no harm done.

A few weeks ago, I was asked to bake for the track bake sale. It happened to be on a Sunday, right after we had planned on giving out baby bottles after church for the Pro-Life cause. We were going to have to rush home, do a quick change, and rush back out to the track meet. I just knew it was not a reasonable thing to expect of myself to (1) bake something and (2) remember to bring it.

After I explained all this, the lady told me that if I did not have time to bake I could just go to the store and pick up some cans of soda. I said I would keep that in mind, but what I was thinking was: “Is she crazy? I just told her how busy I am. Does she think I have time to make another trip to the store with four kids in tow? It would take me less time to bake something! And what makes her think I can afford to buy even more food when I have six mouths to feed?” I wound up avoiding her and the whole bake sale table on the selected day.

After track practice on Saturday, I went home, made dinner, put the baby to bed, and went food shopping. After all this, I had a varicose vein that was bothering me. This tends to happen when I am under a great deal of stress and do not take extra vitamin E (which helps keep the circulatory system healthy). I put my legs up and asked my husband to put the food away. “Thank God I said no to that bake sale!” I exclaimed. It was really the bake sale that would have broken this camel’s back.

This was really what set into motion my series – which I shall continue – on hearing God’s call and staying true to your specific call. There are so many good causes, and only so much of you to go around. Your number one priority is your own family, and you are doing them a disservice if you exhaust yourself doing too much. Remember the basics of decision-making. Every “yes” is a “no” to something else.

I was called again to bake something for a meeting, this time by a lady who was very understanding as to how busy I was. I also explained that I would be hard-pressed to even get to the meeting on time, given my husband’s work schedule, so the promised goods would not even be there for the pre-meeting social time.

After I said no to that, I hung up and my husband walked in the door.

“I was just asked to bake something for the meeting tomorrow night,” I said.

“You don’t even bake for us any more,” my husband complained.

(This, by the way, was not true. I supervised the baking of chocolate-chip and blueberry muffins two nights previous, but they disappeared in one night. I also promised to bring a cake to the next family birthday party, coming up soon. It is true that I have not baked much lately, and probably will not pick up the pace until winter.)

“That is precisely why I said no,” I said, matter-of-factly, making a mental note to make something yummy just-for-us as soon as possible.

In the picture above are the cakes I made for the double celebration party we had in August. On the left is a white angel cake with white frosting, topped by our original wedding cake topper, to celebrate our fifteenth wedding anniversary. On the right is a Hershey’s Cocoa Chocolate Cake (see recipe on the container of Hershey’s Cocoa, in the baking aisle), to celebrate our baby’s second birthday. In the middle is a flower centerpiece that I was given to take home from our friends’ wedding, which we had all attended the day before the party. In the background is a line of white chocolate heart-shaped lollipops, which I gave out as favors.

How to Hear that Still, Small Voice

God calls each of us in a unique way because we are that special. Here are some ways that have helped me to be spiritually “still” (even while busy running a family) and hear His voice.

1. Don’t create your own noise! Don’t yell or be a motor-mouth. Work on your listening skills.
2. Limit usage of telephone, internet, radio, and television.
3. Establish a “quiet time” during which children read in their rooms.
4. Work outdoors: garden, walk, run, bicycle, paint, mow the lawn.
5. Establish a regular bedtime so you know when you will have peace and quiet.
6. Establish a time after which you no longer will accept telephone calls.
7. Learn, and encourage in the children, individual creative activities that keep the hands busy while the mind can be active and open: knitting, crocheting, painting, cross-stitching, embroidery, wood-carving.
8. Read the Bible.
9. Write in a journal.
10. Learn to “tune out” extraneous noises.
11. Listen to classical, orchestral music with no words.
12. Read spiritual, uplifting, thought-provoking literature.

Picture above: Elijah in the Desert, undated icon from Northern Russia.

A Tiny Whispering Sound: Elijah’s Call

I Kings 19:11 (NAB)
Then the LORD said, "Go outside and stand on the mountain before the LORD; the LORD will be passing by." A strong and heavy wind was rending the mountains and crushing rocks before the LORD--but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake--but the LORD was not in the earthquake.
12
After the earthquake there was fire--but the LORD was not in the fire. After the fire there was a tiny whispering sound.

I have been thinking about this particular scripture for two days, while waiting until I had ample time to turn on my computer and write about it. During that time, two people wrote to me about this same passage! That is one way in which God confirms a step we should take: if we don’t hear Him the first time, or are unsure how to interpret a sign, or delay, or even refuse, he repeats like a broken record (yes, I still remember those) until we get it.

I think people today are so tired of being constantly bombarded by information, bad news, personal calamities, acts of nature and acts of war, that the notion of hearing God in the silence is a real comforting one. My days can sometimes feel like a hurricane and I crave the silence of the evening, or naptime while the older kids are in school. The telephone and television often seem like intruders. Four children make enough noise without piling more on top of it. Try listening to three of them practice the piano every day!

Now these two verses alone speak volumes (no pun intended), but the context makes them even more fascinating. Here is the entire chapter from which they come, along with some of my thoughts on how one man’s call pertains to us women today.

1 Kings
Chapter 19 (NAB)
1
Ahab told Jezebel all that Elijah had done--that he had put all the prophets to the sword.
2
Jezebel then sent a messenger to Elijah and said, "May the gods do thus and so to me if by this time tomorrow I have not done with your life what was done to each of them."
3
Elijah was afraid and fled for his life, going to Beer-sheba of Judah. He left his servant there
4
and went a day's journey into the desert, until he came to a broom tree and sat beneath it. He prayed for death: "This is enough, O LORD! Take my life, for I am no better than my fathers."

Elijah had been doing some important work for the Lord and fled to the desert in fear for his life. But then his fear left him, and he began to feel depressed and worthless. How often do women feel so oppressed by their daily responsibilities, which do not go away when dealing with death, illness, and calamity? They may feel like running away. Where to? A desert would probably be attractive at such a time. In the desert you could truly get away from it all.

5
He lay down and fell asleep under the broom tree, but then an angel touched him and ordered him to get up and eat.
6
He looked and there at his head was a hearth cake and a jug of water. After he ate and drank, he lay down again,
7
but the angel of the LORD came back a second time, touched him, and ordered, "Get up and eat, else the journey will be too long for you!"
8
He got up, ate and drank; then strengthened by that food, he walked forty days and forty nights to the mountain of God, Horeb.

He fell asleep and was wakened and ordered by an angel to eat for the strength he needed for his journey. He did not feel like eating. This happens to women all the time. Probably a full third of women fail to eat breakfast. They need this to sustain themselves for the work they will do that day. If they do not take the time to eat, they probably also do not take the time to pray or read the Word of God. How reasonable then that so many women should be feeling tired all the time – not taking the physical or spiritual food they need for their important work of nurturing others. Depression, too, hits the majority of women at least once during the course of their lives. When we feel like doing nothing but sleep, we are ordered to get up, eat, and take up our journey. Here again is another mention of forty days and nights, repeated throughout the Bible as a time for fasting and prayer.

9
There he came to a cave, where he took shelter. But the word of the LORD came to him, "Why are you here, Elijah?"
10
He answered: "I have been most zealous for the LORD, the God of hosts, but the Israelites have forsaken your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to the sword. I alone am left, and they seek to take my life."

We all feel alone against the world from time to time. We get so sick of fighting in a sinful world. We are fighting to keep our children pure and innocent in the culture that would corrupt them. The public schools have torn down God’s altars. The media puts up false gods for our children to emulate and idolize. Some of us just remove the television, radio, and internet entirely and replace them with good literature. But we cannot keep them away from the pop culture everywhere they go. If our families and friends do not support our effort we really feel that we have nowhere to turn. Then, when we really need it, if we look for God’s word to help us through it, it comes.

Here comes my favorite part…

11
Then the LORD said, "Go outside and stand on the mountain before the LORD; the LORD will be passing by." A strong and heavy wind was rending the mountains and crushing rocks before the LORD--but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake--but the LORD was not in the earthquake.
12
After the earthquake there was fire--but the LORD was not in the fire. After the fire there was a tiny whispering sound.

This is a stunning display of contrasts. The funny thing is that all the acts of nature were actually created by God – so of course He was in them – but the voice Elijah was looking for was not. All of the storms in our lives are permitted by God, while we ask continually, “Why? Where are you?” But if all was calm, would we hear the particular whispering that is the Lord speaking to us? Would we even be listening for it?

13
When he heard this, Elijah hid his face in his cloak and went and stood at the entrance of the cave. A voice said to him, "Elijah, why are you here?"
14
He replied, "I have been most zealous for the LORD, the God of hosts. But the Israelites have forsaken your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to the sword. I alone am left, and they seek to take my life."

Of course, the Lord knew why Elijah was there, but He needed him to voice his concerns aloud. Sometimes our concerns are so pressing that it seems superfluous to express them in prayer. But God needs us to ask so He can answer.

15
"Go, take the road back to the desert near Damascus," the LORD said to him. "When you arrive, you shall anoint Hazael as king of Aram.
16
Then you shall anoint Jehu, son of Nimshi, as king of Israel, and Elisha, son of Shaphat of Abel-meholah, as prophet to succeed you.
17
If anyone escapes the sword of Hazael, Jehu will kill him. If he escapes the sword of Jehu, Elisha will kill him.
18
Yet I will leave seven thousand men in Israel--all those who have not knelt to Baal or kissed him."
19
Elijah set out, and came upon Elisha, son of Shaphat, as he was plowing with twelve yoke of oxen; he was following the twelfth. Elijah went over to him and threw his cloak over him.
20
Elisha left the oxen, ran after Elijah, and said, "Please, let me kiss my father and mother good-bye, and I will follow you." "Go back!" Elijah answered. "Have I done anything to you?"
21
Elisha left him and, taking the yoke of oxen, slaughtered them; he used the plowing equipment for fuel to boil their flesh, and gave it to his people to eat. Then he left and followed Elijah as his attendant.

Here are multiple calls in one. God calls Elijah to annoint several people, including Elisha, for God’s calling . All had to say “yes” in order for the work to be done. Why was it necessary for Elisha to deliver these messages? Why could not God speak individually to each of them? Surely God was not lazy, or trying to save time. Maybe God was sending Elijah on this mission just to prove to him that he was not alone; there were holy men to help in serving the Lord. Whatever his reasons, we have to be aware that sometimes God is going to speak to us through other people.

In my next post I will list ways in which we can hear that still small voice amidst the constant noise of small children and our busy lives.

Painting by BOUTS, Dieric the Elder
”Prophet Elijah in the Desert”
1464-68

Working with Passion: Major and Minor Calls

One thing I always knew I had to do, and that is to write. The urge to write stories, letters, articles, novels, poems, lists, etc. is omni-present. For me, that was my first big call in life. It came when I was about eight years old and received my first diary.

My second big call was to motherhood, and from then on all I did had to stem from that. For all mothers, their primary ministry must be the care of their young, until they leave the nest. There may be other major and minor calls, but they cannot conflict with this most urgent one.

Some minor calls included homeschooling for several years, and teaching religious education. Anything I took up outside the home had to have some benefit for the children in order to justify the time and energy taken from them. All that I did, I threw myself into with passion, as I did when employed for pay, in my former life (before kids).

[I do not wish to say a woman cannot work for some other cause while being a mother. I was in such awe when I read the story of “Madame Curie”, by Eve Curie, translated by Vincent Sheean. This is a story of a woman who threw her whole life into the work that included the discovery of radium and the primary research in atomic fission, as well as the real-life application of these with X-ray machines and radiological treatments. You could see how her daughter worshipped her for her great accomplishments; and yet she let the reader into the sadness that was their life. Marie Curie often failed to eat, sleep, and otherwise care for herself. She was often absent to her family, and had very little spiritual life. She lost her life to disease from the exposure to elements she studied, those same elements that would ultimately save countless numbers of human lives. I wish for her and her family’s sake that she could have found some sense of balance in her life. Perhaps she could have lived for another decade if she had taken the proper time to sustain herself physically and emotionally.]

When I think back on some of the other things I spent my time on, I must confess I may have been tempted to follow false callings. The biggest example I can think of was a homeschooling field trip group I started with a friend. It was her idea, and I persuaded myself that it would be a worthy cause to take up.

When I look back, I think my time could have been better spent on my writing. I had no time to do any actual creative writing during that time. Someone else could have done what I did – my special talents were not required here. I am not sorry for the work I did, but I did learn an important lesson on keeping my priorities straight, and not affirmatively answering every call that came my way.

After the birth of my youngest child, I began to form new friendships here and there. I also caught up with a few friends that I had fallen out of touch with. Within a few months, I realized there was a connection among these friends from seemingly different arenas: they were all active in pro-life ministry!

I could not believe I had not noticed it before. God had led me to these special people for a reason, and I caught onto the passion they had for their pro-life work. Then I read my old homeschooling friend Leticia Velasquez’s blogs and realized I could take my two big calls and put them together, writing about motherhood for other mothers, while also serving the pro-life cause!

Writing about motherhood is something that comes so naturally to me that it requires little effort. In fact, the more I do it the more free I feel. I feel uplifted and energized. As I seek to impart insight, I gain more into my own soul and the mysteries of God’s creation.

I wonder: If I had listened for the call, could I have figured this out a few years ago and used my gift to better advantage? If someone has never heard a calling, how do they go about finding it? I will this explore this topic further in my upcoming posts, with the highlights of some intriguing Biblical calls.

Picture: “God Calls Samuel”, Julius Schnorr von Carolsfeld, 1851-60.

Answering the Call

Matthew Chapter 21 (NAB)
28
1 "What is your opinion? A man had two sons. He came to the first and said, 'Son, go out and work in the vineyard today.'
29
He said in reply, 'I will not,' but afterwards he changed his mind and went.
30
The man came to the other son and gave the same order. He said in reply, 'Yes, sir,' but did not go.
31
2 Which of the two did his father's will?" They answered, "The first." Jesus said to them, "Amen, I say to you, tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God before you.
32
3 When John came to you in the way of righteousness, you did not believe him; but tax collectors and prostitutes did. Yet even when you saw that, you did not later change your minds and believe him.

Once again the Gospel hit home with my train of thoughts for the week. I had committed to the 40 Days for Life Fast, and had broken my fast. I had a whole string of excuses.

1. The school was requiring us to sell 50 chocolate bars. We do not feel comfortable doing this, so we are forced to eat them ourselves. This year there were dark chocolate almond bars – how could I resist? Oh, I am so weak.

2. I had headaches every afternoon this week, lowering my resistance to stress-reducing foods.

3. I can try, but really I can’t blame breastfeeding for this one. I may need 3 square meals to sustain us both, but the baby definitely does not need chocolate.

This scripture encouraged me to get back on track and start the week anew.

I thought further on answering God’s personal calling for us. Had I ever ignored a call to do some work I was hesitant to do?

I connected this to the story of Jonah. Boy did he resist. His work was so important that God would not allow defiance, and turned his shoulder in every way until the mission was completed – and attitude adjusted.

I have known several persons whose lives were changed for the better after meeting some sort of calamity or illness. Does God allow these pitfalls at times to turn us onto the course he has planned for us?

I encourage my readers’ thoughts on how they have heard and answered God’s calling to them; I will be focusing on this topic over the coming week.

Picture above: "The Parable of the Vineyard", Matthaeus Merian the Elder, 1625-30. Biblical Art on the WWW.

Discerning Your True Calling

“Therefore, brothers, be all the more eager to make your call and election firm, for, in doing so, you will never stumble.”
2 Peter 1:11

“No way, Mom,” said my two-year-old, in a frank tone.
“Yes way,” I replied.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Nno.”
“Yyes.”
“Nnno.”
“Yyyes.”
“Nnnnnnnnnno!”
“Yyyyyyyyyes!”
She was not being defiant, and I was not encouraging argumentative. We were having a little exercise in independent thinking.

I can clearly remember myself playing a similar game with my own mother. Two of my favorite phrases were “no way”, and “yes way”. The fact that I am able to say both “yes” and “no” are partly attributed to her good humor and her wisdom in the fostering my voicing of both important decisive words.

Erik Erikson’s eight stages of psycho-social development always rang true with me. The second psychosocial crisis involves learning Autonomy vs. Shame, between about 18 months or 2 years and 3½ to 4 years of age. Resolving this stage results in a proper feeling of pride and self control, rather than a feeling of guilt or shame. It occurs to me now that many women must not have resolved this stage properly, and thus in adulthood are constantly feeling pulled in too many directions. They feel “spent” while also feeling that they are “not doing enough”.

During my homeschooling years I was rather involved in several volunteer activities. After the conception of my fourth child, I had to refocus all of my energies on the health of myself and my newborn child, while continuing the end of that current year of homeschooling. I looked back on the past in awe at the time and energy I had had to devote outside of the home. How ever had I done it? As I dropped out of the world of volunteerism, and made myself less available to help others in need, some were understanding, and some were not. I had changed – what a shocker!

“God has a purpose for all of us, and from time to time that purpose must change,” my father assured me.

I knew what my priorities were, and was not ashamed to say NO. For that time-being, any activity outside of the service of those inside my four walls received that same answer: NO.

As the children entered school, and the sign-up sheets were passed around, I quickly passed them on to the next person, with no twinges of guilt. God knew, my family knew, and I knew what services I had given in the past years. I needed a few months to feel out this new life and see what, if anything, I could give.

I looked on the oft-volunteers in a new light, now that I was not one of them. There were some who seemed to step up to the plate more than others, chairing multiple committees. They were energetic, but tired at the same time. I wondered if they had anything left to give to their families at the end of the day.

Now that my toddler has become more independent and we have gotten into the swing of family life with four children, I have found I do have more pockets of free time throughout the day. I use those to read, write, or pray. Lately I also discovered opportunities to be a shoulder and prayer warrior for those in great need, just by being in the right place at the right time with an open ear.

We are in the midst of the track and cross-country season, with lots of chauffering to meets – and more calls to volunteer. I am asked to contribute to bake sales, fundraisers, and snack time at school. I revisit my list of priorities yet again and ask the questions so many women must ask themselves repeatedly:

Am I allowed to have some free time during the day?

What activities do I give my time to without sapping the energies I need to give to my family?

What about time I need for prayer and reflection?

Am I being called by God to minister in this area?

The ability to discern is addressed in great depth by St. Paul in I Corinthians. “The spiritual person, however, can judge everything but is not subject to judgment by anyone.” (I Cor. 2:16) I encourage you to read the first four chapters of this book while prayerfully reflecting on what God is calling you to do at present.

While pondering this topic, I read from a book of rhymes before putting my toddler in for her nap. I was puzzled by this one’s shockingly negative ending and had to re-read it. I thought of how some can lead enthusiastic youngsters on a foolish mission, causing them to fritter away their gifts and energies and perhaps lose sight of their true callings. In this story, the poor victims are literally eaten alive. I will end off with this classic, imploring my readers to heed your true calling.

The Walrus and The Carpenter
Lewis Carroll(from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)




The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.
The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done--
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead--
There were no birds to fly.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would be grand!"
"If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year.
Do you suppose," the Walrus said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.
"O Oysters, come and walk with us!"
The Walrus did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each."
The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head--
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.
But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat--
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.
Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.



The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.
"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."
"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said.
"Do you admire the view?

"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf--
I've had to ask you twice!"
"It seems a shame," the Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"
"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
"O Oysters," said the Carpenter,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.