“All Textbooks Must Be Covered”

The first year my children went to a traditional school, I almost passed out upon reading these words: “All textbooks must be covered.” When referring to guidelines for Individual Educational Plans to be submitted to our local district for approval prior to a year of homeschooling, for a textbook to be listed we were expected to “cover” 90% of the material in the book. So when I saw this, I was thinking we were expected to actually read the textbooks over the summer.

Parochial school students who borrow their required textbooks from the school district are expected to pick up their books from BOCES in Hampton Bays. This is just one of the minor inconveniences shouldered by private school students. We pay the taxes for these books, whether we use them or not. We are expected to do all the running around. We receive a postcard that states our textbooks are ready. At that time, we bring in the old ones and pick up the new ones.

That first year, the postcard stated that I was expected to pick up the books the week of July 24-28. My due date was upon me and I asked a friend to drive us out there on July 24.

Now in retrospect, I believe I started to go into early stages of labor on July 23. That was our 13th wedding anniversary. My in-laws came out to baby-sit while we went out for a beautiful lunch at a first-class brunch buffet. (That is the last time we went out to eat together, if you don’t count the two weddings we went to this summer.) They had fresh fruit, scrumptious desserts, and freshly squeezed juices of the day.

My favorite was the omelet station, where the chef would put in any of the many ingredients that were on display. I boldly requested an omelet with the works. My husband could not believe the amount of food I was able to put down. You literally could have rolled me out of there. I did not feel able to walk to the car, and I asked him to get the car and pick me up at the door. I started having contractions in the car from being so full. When I got home, I fell asleep for a good three hours.

On the morning of July 24, I was feeling really uncomfortable. I could feel the baby’s head pressing down on my pelvis. I said not a word to my friend, but was not very talkative. I was a little aggravated with the young ladies at BOCES, who impatiently waited for me to waddle from desk to desk, signing for the books. I carried not a single one, but piled them all in my children’s backpacks and made them carry them to the car.

My friend gave me a refresher course in covering textbooks, old-school-style. I had saved lots of paper bags from the grocery store. The task seemed to me to be a gargantuan one. One of the grades required workbooks be covered as well. We guessed that we were supposed to cut out pieces of cardboard from cereal boxes to support the paper covers. This was pretty tricky work. I put the piles of books in the dining room, alongside the store-bought supplies that I had picked up as soon as Walmart had them stocked the first week of July. I was so relieved that I had all of them before the baby had come.

My sister came to help out the third week after the baby came. She covered each and every book for me, decorating the covers with whimsical curly-cues and flowers. I thought of her appreciatively as I covered the books by myself this year, a three-night chore. I finally discovered that contact paper was the cover of choice for workbooks; I went through a 24-foot roll.

They are all set now, neatly stacked as in years past. New sneakers are sitting pristinely white in their boxes. Supplies are in their boxes, entrusted to my little ones to keep safe in their rooms. Hairs have been cut. 75% of the reading and written summer work has been completed, without much nudging from me. What was a mystery that first year has become an efficient system for preparing for school.

Aah, I am so happy that covering textbooks does not require that we actually pre-read them!

All Right, But Done the Wrong Way

“Who do you think your teacher is, me or your mother?” the math teacher yelled at my sixth grader today.

I somehow doubt she would have tread those waters had she known my daughter had been homeschooled through fourth grade.

The skill being taught was the addition and subtraction of negative and positive integers. The multi-step method taught yesterday was not abundantly clear to my daughter, and I could see she did not know what she was doing. I asked her why she was circling all the signs and what she thought she was supposed to do with them. She did not know.

“Look here,” I said, erasing her little circles.

“But the teacher said - ”

“Never mind that. You don’t remember what she said, and I don’t know what she said, so I’ll make it simple for you.”

I circled the two negatives and put a positive sign over them. “Two negatives make a positive, just like in grammar. Now add.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

The light bulb had gone on, and within five minutes the worksheet was done.

She got them all right, but that was not good enough. She had not followed directions.

I could definitely see from where the teacher was coming. However, if she had not explained the process in an understandable way, what was wrong with coming at it from a different direction? And once the work gets set home, isn’t that my territory?

I obviously was a bit miffed at my daughter’s being chastised for listening to her mother. But for me to say anything would be to make it worse. So I’ll let it be – and hope this doesn’t repeat itself too many more times in the next three years.

I seem to remember having a similar problem with my high school teacher, coming to a solution through a thought-process in reverse from what she had taught. But she knew there was “more than one way to skin a cat” (no offense meant to cat lovers here – it was a saying used often in my childhood), and as long as I could show my work there would be no points taken off.

My eldest daughter’s mind works so much like mine – we often complete each other’s sentences. Teaching her math was always a breeze. If I explained the numbers the way they sorted themselves out in my mind, she would catch on quite quickly. Teachers’ editions never worked for me – just give me the problem and let’s solve it.

Not so with Salvation. Jesus was quite clear that there was only One Way to the Father. He may speak in mysteries but they have a mathematical, logical undercurrent.

“Thomas said to him, ‘Master, we do not know where you are going;
how can we know the way?’
Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, the truth and the life.
No one comes to the Father except through me.
If you know me, then you will also know my Father.
From now on you do know him and have seen him.’”
John 14:5-7

Painting above:
"The Professor is Out"
by Luigi Bechi

How Pro-Life are you?

Elitism and hypocrisy are alive and well in America.

There is a topic I have avoided since the start of writing this blog, although it is quite close to my heart. Indeed, the novel I have been slaving over has to do with this very subject. I wanted my blog to be uplifting to all mothers and focus on the positives.

I pray daily for the victims of abortion: the children, the mothers, the fathers, the grandparents, and society in general. With a conservative estimate of one-third of today’s women having at least one abortion, whether you like it or not, the reality is that out of your three best friends, one of them probably has had one. These women will have a life-long need of healing from the consequences of this choice.

I heard something today that truly incensed me. That is the ugly truth that young girls in our Catholic High Schools are being taken by their parents to commit abortions. In my head echoed a homily spoken a few years ago in my parish. The deacon challenged his listeners: How pro-Life are you, really? What would you do if you found out your teenage daughter was pregnant? Would you put your money where your mouth is?

Do these parents know that they are putting on their daughters a life sentence of guilt, as well as the physical consequences to their still-developing reproductive systems? If they think the child is too young to take care of a child, what about the emotional and spiritual weight of the act of voiding an innocent life?

This completely relates to the elitism that has long bothered me: first in the homeschooling world, then in the circle of Catholic School parents. It is the us-them mentality. The idea that our precious children would be corrupted by interacting with public schooled children.

I have known homeschooling parents who refused to allow their children to socialize with non-homeschoolers; now I have heard many Catholic School parents say that the public school children in their neighborhood would have a bad influence on their children. No wonder the public school parents seem to think of both homeschooling and private school parents, “What, the public school isn’t good enough for their children?” They think we think that way, because many of us do.

The primary reason I homeschooled first, and now send my children to Catholic school, has to do with the Culture in the classroom. I want my children to be in an atmosphere in which God permeates every subject. When not spoken of explicitly, there is the implicit assumption that God is present. In Science, He comes in as the Creator of the beautiful laws of the universe. In History, He is the one who has always been and always will be; who guides men’s hearts and actions. In Mathematics, He is the Ultimate Rule of Logic. In English, He is The Word.

There is a danger in assuming that our children will be shielded from bad behavior because the parents of the other children are willing to shell out $x to send them to the same school. I wonder now, what is worse: a high school in which pregnant teens proudly waddle down the halls, or one in which we pretend at innocence while hiding ugly truths?

No matter what schools our children attend, the responsibility for teaching the Theology of the Body lies with us, the parents. From the moment of birth, they learn that you value the bond of motherhood as God’s Divine Gift. It starts there, and “The Conversation” is not just one talk about “the birds and the bees”, but many, as you gently respond to their questions, letting them know they are encouraged to ask, begging them to come back for more. Movies, books, television, events in the life of their friends all can act as prompts for a continuation of this dialogue.

Please click on the advertisement of “Bella”, a pro-life movie that promises to be one you can take your daughter to and explore this topic together.

Our Move from Home School to Catholic School

I homeschooled three of my children until the eldest was going into fifth grade. About a year and a half ago, when we knew the new little one was coming, we had a family meeting to discuss whether to enroll in Catholic School or continue homeschooling. To illustrate classic decision-making theory, we put together a list of the pros and cons of each:

Catholic School – Pros:

1. Make more friends
2. Cute uniforms
3. Gym class
4. Music class
5. Art class
6. Recess
7. Fun after-school activities
8. Softball team
9. Irish step-dancing
10. Drama
11. Basketball team

Cons –

1. Costs more money
2. Will miss mom, dad, baby, and friends

Homeschooling - Pros:

1. Can make plans with friends during school day
2. Can wear whatever I want
3. Can spend more time with family
4. Can play outside more
5. Can do fun activities whenever I want
6. Can be silly in school
7. Can make noise in school
8. Can make up my own schoolwork
9. Can learn on my own schedule
10. Teacher knows me well
11. Can help teach

Cons –
Mom can’t take us everywhere to do as many activities as are available in school

The list may seem simplistic, but the purpose in drawing it up was to involve the children in the process of making a decision in a rational way. We let them know that Mom and Dad would have the final say, but their input was important to us.

According to decision-making theory, when both sides of the equation come out equally, then is the time to add emotional weights to each portion. Emotions were high on both sides as well. We waited for an answer from the Lord.

After my husband was in a car accident and we thought we would be unable to afford the tuition, I felt broken-hearted. It was then that I realized I had really been hoping to send the kids to school. A month later, my husband said he was on board if I wanted to go ahead with it, and we all attended an open house for our local regional Catholic school. We kept the application for about a week, during which the answer became increasingly clear.

At that time, I was co-leader of a large homeschooling field trip group on Long Island. My partner was very understanding about my decision. I wrote a letter to my members to explain our decision. I include portions of it here, as it lays out very well my feelings about homeschooling.

“Dear Fellow Homeschoolers,

My first homeschooling meeting (5 years ago!) was such an exciting experience. It was so awesome to find out that there were other mothers out there who were fun, intelligent, well-read, well-rounded, and willing to expend all their energies on their kids. At that time, my eldest was 4 and pretty much done with kindergarten. I knew it would be a waste of her time to put her through a formal kindergarten and that an individualized program would be the best thing for her. I didn’t know how long I would carry it on, but decided to make that decision one year at a time. Having close homeschooling family friends for both me and my children has been extremely personally rewarding. How lovely it is to sit chatting with a few best friends while all your children are having the time of their lives! It has also been my great pleasure to serve the homeschooling community for the past three years. Seeing the kids all having fun learn together – seeing the reaction of the management at museums, etc., to what wonderful children we all have – while also learning a thing or two myself – those are all experiences well worth the effort! Now that chapter has closed and my life journey continues. As my Dad says, from time to time your calling or purpose in life changes to something – not qualitatively better or worse but - different. This fall, my three older children will be attending a Catholic school while I tend to our new baby, home business, and incomplete novels.

To me, the essence of Homeschooling is the parents’ claiming the freedom of choice in education that is their natural right. That is why I will always consider myself to be a Homeschooler at heart, no matter where my children may complete their formal education.”

Here is a link to an online article I wrote during my homeschooling years:
http://thedabblingmum.com/parenting/storieshome/surviverudeness.htm

“There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1