Kindergarten

Wednesday, September 7, 2011, 6:30 A.M. I woke up my five-year-old with a gentle hug. “Rise and shine. It’s time to get ready for school.”

She had been looking forward to this day for a few years now, as she watched her siblings leave for school and come back every day. Now it was the dog’s turn to watch the kids all leave, forlorn, wishing she could go wherever they went all day.

She was so sweet and cheery all morning as she got ready. She wanted me in the same room with her as she got dressed, had breakfast, and brushed her teeth, although she needed no help doing those things. Yet she seemed to have no problem leaving me for the day.

Fortunately for all of us, she has two of her older siblings on the same bus with her, as they all attend the same Catholic school this year. So I had no concerns about her being on the bus by herself. The bus driver seemed like a very kind woman. Her older sister held her hand as she got on the bus. She helped her to buckle her seat belt, something we never had on the bus when I was little. She looked out the window at me, smiling, as the bus pulled away. I stood there, waving, until the bus disappeared down the block.

And I smiled. I never cried when my other kids went to school for the first time; I was always too busy with other little ones. I had thought I would be a little sad when my youngest one went, but I felt content. Not giddy, as in, “Oh I’m so happy to get rid of the kids so I can have some peace and quiet,” but satisfied that things were as they should be.

I really like how the Catholic schools start off the first week with half days. It really gives both the parents and the kids time to adjust to the new schedule. For me, I think it really made that first day a breeze.

I went inside, had my coffee and breakfast, then for a brief moment said to myself, “Now what?” Not that I didn’t have a ton of chores to tackle – I didn’t know where to start. “First things first,” I answered myself, and started by cleaning the floor. I proceeded to the most obvious things, and before I knew it I was rushing to finish up what I had started before the bus came back.

My husband missed her – as did the dog. Honey moped around the house, roaming from room to room, aimlessly going in and out the back door.

My eighth grader has a phone now, and she texted me so that I knew when to come outside and wait for the bus. My littlest one came back off the bus, smiling. The dog went crazy, jumping happily inside at the sight of the children.

I laugh when I think of the nosy cashier at King Kullen who commented last spring, “You’re not going to know what to do with yourself when she goes to Kindergarten.”I responded back to her, “I was thinking about taking up golf,” facetiously.I didn’t feel I needed to justify to her what I really was planning to do with my time: write full time, get the house in order, and do some home improvements.

Now we are almost done with September and I didn’t even notice when autumn had officially begun. Time just has a way of filling itself up, especially when you juggle multiple children, sports, volunteer activities, and freelance work. I have been in the kindergarten a few times, and am happy to see how well she is adjusting socially, emotionally, and academically to her new environment.

My life is full. My heart is full. My cup runneth over. To everything there is a season.

Those of you who would like to become a Kindergarten teacher can learn about classes for an online masters in education via this resource.

"The Overachievers: The Secret Lives of Driven Kids" by Alexandra Robbins

If you have a college-bound teen in your house, then “The Overachievers: The Secret Lives of Driven Kids” (Hyperion, 2006) is a must-read for you. In this 448-page book, Alexandra Robbins delves into the lives of several high school students to disclose what parents need to know about the pressures kids are under today to get into prestigious colleges.

Robbins went back to her alma mater, Walt Whitman High School, and followed several students as they went through the college application process. She detailed their heavy schedules and included portions of their personal diaries and online discussions with friends. She talked about how much (actually, how little) sleep they got and how their interactions were with their friends and family.

The author followed the applications as they went through the hands of high school counselors and college administrators. She went into New York City pre-Kindergartens and revealed the shocking imbalance of supply and demand and the effect it has on parents bent on getting their youngsters into the right pre-K program. Finally, she spoke to students of other schools around the country to make sure the experiences were not based on one school or area.

Some of Robbins’ points include: the need for teens to get more sleep; the stress of having too many activities; and the dangers of being too focused on entrance to a school based on its name. She claims there are many excellent schools out there where the students are happier overall and have equal success in life with those who graduate from Ivy League schools. And she reveals the way statistics are twisted so that the top colleges stay on top of the charts year after year.

The research that went into this book is obvious, and the evidence to back her conclusions well-documented.

I picked up this book because I was amused by the picture. My ninth-grader balances school cross-country/track and travel softball as well as a few advanced courses. Missing from our picture is music: although we have a piano, we never had time for me to give her lessons and she lost interest. I thought she had enough activities and that she was happy and well-balanced.

One of the reasons I opted for public over Catholic school is I noticed how much pressure I thought many of the parents put on their children to be perfect on paper. Some of the kids would cry if they came home with a 99 on an exam. I was criticized for putting sports over academics. In the end, she came out in the top of her class with several scholarship offers from local Catholic schools. I turned them down and so far we are both happy with this decision. Reading this book clinched that for me.

While Robbins was focused on academics and school sports, I have been part of the world of travel softball as well, and could write a whole book on the politics of this sport. Girls now play four seasons per year, with games in indoor sports domes in the winter. Elite softball teams abound, promising college commitments to their top girls. We turned down the elite teams in favor of a small, local team that has talented girls who play for fun. Reading this book made me happier about that decision.

I am glad I read this book because it made me more aware of the dangers of putting too much on a kid’s plate and forcing them to live up to expectations that will not help them with their personal goals.

For the author’s website visit http://www.alexandrarobbins.com/

To order from Amazon click here.

I obtained this book from my local public library and as of this writing have had no correspondence with the author.

Beauty in the Eyes or Ears of the Audience

The Music Lesson

Late last week, I received an invitation from my son’s second grade teacher to go to his “Mini Recorder Concert” at the school. This was the first I heard he was playing a recorder. So I showed up Monday afternoon not knowing what to expect.

The second, third, and fourth graders were all divided into sections on the stage, with Learn the Recorder books on their stands. Although the music teacher asked them to be quiet, they all did a sort of warm-up of their own accord.

She explained that they would be playing in order of difficulty, starting with a one-note song. This was played by all three grades, pretty much on cue, but with many early or late on their execution. The next song had two notes, and the third song had three; this was the extent of the second graders’ expertise.

I watched the children’s faces as they played. Although the sound bordered on cacophonous, the looks on their faces were beautiful. They all looked so intent on mastering their notes. This was especially impressive with the boys, who usually are seen clowning around.

The second graders were ushered off the stage as the third and fourth graders played a few songs of intermediate difficulty. Then the third graders left, leaving the fourth graders to play a few more advanced songs, culminating with Amazing Grace.

I watched the music teacher’s face as she conducted. She was so patient, and so proud of them for having come so far. She explained that it was a little more difficult than she had thought they could achieve, but she had decided to try it anyway.

If you didn’t have a child there and just heard a recording of this concert, you might have covered your ears. But there is a beauty to be found in such an event that cannot quite be explained.

My son got to bring his recorder home after the concert. I found that he really did know how to read – and play - the music. It suddenly made sense to me why he had caught up so quickly to my older daughter in their piano lessons. I have the foresight and forbearance of one music teacher to thank.

Judith
Chapter 16
1
"Strike up the instruments, a song to my God with timbrels, chant to the Lord with cymbals; Sing to him a new song, exalt and acclaim his name.”

Before the Storm

The first week of school is always like a whirlwind, especially with the typical introductory half-days of Catholic school. The children come and go so quickly that I do not even attempt to get anything done that will require too much time or attention. My husband, toddler, and I take the mornings slowly, eating a leisurely breakfast while reading the newspaper. I do some light housework in the main living area, before bidding my husband goodbye and taking my little one out in her red wagon to wait for the bus to return.

School supplies having been purchased long ago, each child has a very specific list of exactly which supplies and books are to be brought in on which day. This used to drive me absolutely crazy. Fortunately, they are now responsible enough to take their own lists in hand and pack their own bags. Our summer work was not due until the second day of school, and so the first afternoon was spent putting the final touches on book reports and math assignments.

The second day we were free to go to the beach; our timing could not have been better. (On Friday the beaches were all closed in anticipation of a middle-rate hurricane expected to hit on Saturday.) The high tides over the weekend from Hurricane Gustav had wiped out a third of the beach, which dropped off steeply into the ocean. By Thursday the beach was clean and clear and the tide had dropped. The haze was so incredible; it settled down on the water so that swimmers seemed to disappear into another world.

We took our red wagon and settled ourselves among three deep holes that others before us had dug. The youngest one was afraid of the waves, and rightly so. She was happy to slide into the holes and find her way back up, over and over again.

Our fellow patrons were mostly middle-aged and older, with the exception of a few mothers with pre-schoolers in tow. A small group of college-aged youngsters showed up and shook things up for about fifteen minutes, taking movies of everyone with their cell phones and annoying us with their cigarette smoke. But they were easily bored and we were soon left in peace once again.

I had planned on leftovers for dinner and had a little free time on my hands after everyone had showered. I decided to try my hand at home-baked bread. I used the recipe for "quick bread" in The New Joy of Cooking. I mixed together the dry ingredients and let my eleven-year-old finished up. She was so excited to see the dough rise. Now I know why unleavened bread was used at Passover. Even quick-rising bread takes all night! They were all in bed by the time the loaf was completed.

My toddler loves bread, and this loaf looked enough like cake that she thought she was getting a real treat for breakfast. My husband thought it was good but a little “doughy”; and opted for store-made rye bread for his lunch. But when the kids got home from school, they finished off that loaf and my two older girls decided to make two more for the weekend.

I do not usually watch prime-time television, but my computer time has been taken up by the Republican Convention this week. I am so excited about Palin, a pioneering woman we can all aspire to emulate. Seeing the families of Palin and McCain together - What a tribute to a Culture of Life! I also loved when McCain said, "I hate war". People thought he was a war-monger but his position is so much more understandable after his life story has been expounded upon this past week.

While I work on my post, the girls come into the study every few minutes asking me questions to clarify the cookbook’s directions. I am trying to catch up on all my computer work for the week. After I clear out my e-mail box I then will set about removing all loose objects from the yard.

Hurricanes on Long Island are always fodder for excitement and speculation. The weather experts have long predicted another “hundred year storm” to hit us directly. Most of the time we get away with a few downed trees and power lines. We love to watch the weather channel. The kids hope for an electric outage so we can put our candles and batteries to good use. It seems like we’ve been cheated if we just get a little downpour; yet we are thankful when we are spared a catastrophe yet again.

Photograph taken September 4, 2008 by Elizabeth Kathryn Miller.

First Day of Summer

No, I did not have writers’ block this week. I was just really, really busy!

School was over for my children at 10:30 A.M. this Thursday. I had spent the week getting things done that I knew I would have difficulty doing with them all home. I thought of a friend who, upon my changeover from homeschooling to Catholic School, asked me, “Are you going to become one of those moms who can’t wait for their kids to leave for school?”

I do know people who say they dread having their children home for the summer. I believe I have blogged on this before, but I think the topic begs revisiting after my second full year of having my children in school. Have I become one of those moms?

No, I have not. I do believe I have struck quite a happy balance, enjoying both the times with all my kids home and the times without. While they are gone, I am happy that they are in a nurturing environment with wonderful, loving, Christ-loving teachers who are imparting the same values as us in a different venue. I hear the stories of their friends in school, and have met many of them, and am thankful they are able to spend quality time with other nice children.

When they are home, I remember all of the older mothers who have stopped me in the stores and said, “This time goes by so fast. Enjoy it while you can.” I feel like there is so much living to be done in the time we have together. Because the time is less, I treasure it all the more.

My nine-year-old’s friend came home with her on the bus. She stayed until dinner time, after which we went to get my son’s fifth pair of glasses for the year. We polished off the day with a trip to the library. We brought all the kids’ summer recommended reading lists so they could pick which books they wanted to read for the summer.

Our first full day home, Friday, we went shoe shopping. I caught one of the BOGO sales at Payless Shoe Source and was able to get two pairs of wedding shoes for my girls (who will be junior bridesmaids at my sister’s wedding); two pairs of school shoes for my son (in his present size as well as the next size); and two pairs of flip-flips (for me and my eleven-year old, who is now a half-size bigger than me).

We had a tough time finding school shoes for the girls. The kids’ shoe department stops at size 4 ½. Then women’s shoes starts at size 5. But a size 7 women’s is the same as a size 4 girl’s. Can anyone explain that to me? We have to try to find a women’s shoe that fits my girls’ feet. “Why don’t they make children’s shoes in larger sizes?” my girls wanted to know. I would like to know the same thing.

We went to another store, where my eleven-year old found a quality pair that were a “cool” style. I guess they don’t say “cool” anymore, but it still means the same thing to me, ala Billy Joel. My nine-year-old tried on three pairs and hated them all. She said she was the only one who did not go shopping and I tried to explain that one is still technically “shopping”, even if one does not purchase anything.

Today my next-door-neighbor’s three children came over for two hours. Then my kids went over to her house for two hours. Upon their return, my daughters reported that my son had misbehaved over there. We required that he write an apology note and my husband escorted him to deliver it.

I found some more treasures over at my across-the-street-neighbor’s moving sale. An eight-foot-ladder, some baskets, a toaster oven, a VCR, and some plywood. My husband would like for me to stop bringing home other people’s junk.

It has been a delightful week! I hope the summer has much more of the same in store for us!

“As long as the earth lasts,
seedtime and harvest,
cold and heat,
summer and winter,
and day and night
shall not cease.”

Genesis 8:22

Painting: The Boating Party by Mary Cassatt

The Backpack Misadventure

I went through a great deal of worry and aggravation today over a relatively minor thing.

My ten-year old ran a cross-country race after school at a New York State Park. I had my six- and eight- year-olds bring their backpacks so they could get their homework done while waiting.

After the race, I wanted to hurry out of there to beat the rush hour traffic. I was feeling pretty good about getting on the road by 4:30, and was making good time.

At around 4:50, something made me ask about their homework and “You did bring your backpacks, correct?”

The answer was no.

Horrified, I made a hasty exit from the Long Island Expressway and reversed directions. Watching the traffic build up in the direction we had just come from, I said, “That’s what we’re going to have to sit in on the way back. And we were making such good time!”

I was very angry.

Forty-five minutes later, I was in the park. From the parking lot I could see the table where we had been sitting. It was totally bare. We got out of the car and searched the ground, the garbage cans, and the dumpster. I imagined having to explain this to the school and order new books.

I prayed that someone from the cross-country team had taken the bags and that there would be a message on our telephone machine to that effect.

At 5:30, we were back at the exit where we had originally made our turn-around. “We could be eating dinner right now,” I complained.

We finally pulled into the driveway at 6:00. Sure enough, there was a message from the coach’s wife that a family had taken the bags home for us. I called them, and the father graciously offered to bring our bags to us! I thanked him and said no, but we would be greatly obliged if his daughter could bring the bags with her to school in the morning. “No problem,” he said.

I wrote notes to the teachers explaining why the children were coming to school empty-handed and that the bags would be arriving momentarily. Meanwhile, my older daughter became excited about delivering the bags to her siblings’ classrooms and meeting their teachers.

When my husband arrived home, I wearily explained what had transpired. “Well, everything turned out all right then!” he responded.

“But it might not have.”

“But it did.”

We go over this same territory now and then, he explaining why I should not be worried and upset over “what could have been”.

“I always expect the worst could happen,” he says, “The thing is to be aware and prepared to react when they do.”

I know he is right, and this thinking is quite consistent with Jesus’ teaching. We are to be sober and wakeful; yet not to be worried and anxious, but trusting in Him. This is a lesson that has been a lifetime in the learning for me.

Unfailing Prayer to Saint Anthony

Blessed be God in His Angels and in His Saints.

O Holy St. Anthony, gentlest of Saints, your love for God
and Charity for His creatures made you worthy, when on
earth, to possess miraculous powers. Miracles waited on
your word, which you were ever ready to speak for those in
trouble or anxiety. Encouraged by this thought, I implore
of you to obtain for me (request). The answer to my prayer
may require a miracle. Even so, you are the saint of
Miracles.

O gentle and loving St. Anthony, whose heart was ever full
of human sympathy, whisper my petition into the ears of the
Sweet Infant Jesus, who loved to be folded in your arms, and
the gratitude of my heart will ever be yours.

Amen. (Say 13 Paters, Aves, and Glorias)

When something is lost, the simple prayer goes:

St. Anthony, St. Anthony
Please come down
Something is lost
And can't be found

How Pro-Life are you?

Elitism and hypocrisy are alive and well in America.

There is a topic I have avoided since the start of writing this blog, although it is quite close to my heart. Indeed, the novel I have been slaving over has to do with this very subject. I wanted my blog to be uplifting to all mothers and focus on the positives.

I pray daily for the victims of abortion: the children, the mothers, the fathers, the grandparents, and society in general. With a conservative estimate of one-third of today’s women having at least one abortion, whether you like it or not, the reality is that out of your three best friends, one of them probably has had one. These women will have a life-long need of healing from the consequences of this choice.

I heard something today that truly incensed me. That is the ugly truth that young girls in our Catholic High Schools are being taken by their parents to commit abortions. In my head echoed a homily spoken a few years ago in my parish. The deacon challenged his listeners: How pro-Life are you, really? What would you do if you found out your teenage daughter was pregnant? Would you put your money where your mouth is?

Do these parents know that they are putting on their daughters a life sentence of guilt, as well as the physical consequences to their still-developing reproductive systems? If they think the child is too young to take care of a child, what about the emotional and spiritual weight of the act of voiding an innocent life?

This completely relates to the elitism that has long bothered me: first in the homeschooling world, then in the circle of Catholic School parents. It is the us-them mentality. The idea that our precious children would be corrupted by interacting with public schooled children.

I have known homeschooling parents who refused to allow their children to socialize with non-homeschoolers; now I have heard many Catholic School parents say that the public school children in their neighborhood would have a bad influence on their children. No wonder the public school parents seem to think of both homeschooling and private school parents, “What, the public school isn’t good enough for their children?” They think we think that way, because many of us do.

The primary reason I homeschooled first, and now send my children to Catholic school, has to do with the Culture in the classroom. I want my children to be in an atmosphere in which God permeates every subject. When not spoken of explicitly, there is the implicit assumption that God is present. In Science, He comes in as the Creator of the beautiful laws of the universe. In History, He is the one who has always been and always will be; who guides men’s hearts and actions. In Mathematics, He is the Ultimate Rule of Logic. In English, He is The Word.

There is a danger in assuming that our children will be shielded from bad behavior because the parents of the other children are willing to shell out $x to send them to the same school. I wonder now, what is worse: a high school in which pregnant teens proudly waddle down the halls, or one in which we pretend at innocence while hiding ugly truths?

No matter what schools our children attend, the responsibility for teaching the Theology of the Body lies with us, the parents. From the moment of birth, they learn that you value the bond of motherhood as God’s Divine Gift. It starts there, and “The Conversation” is not just one talk about “the birds and the bees”, but many, as you gently respond to their questions, letting them know they are encouraged to ask, begging them to come back for more. Movies, books, television, events in the life of their friends all can act as prompts for a continuation of this dialogue.

Please click on the advertisement of “Bella”, a pro-life movie that promises to be one you can take your daughter to and explore this topic together.

Our Move from Home School to Catholic School

I homeschooled three of my children until the eldest was going into fifth grade. About a year and a half ago, when we knew the new little one was coming, we had a family meeting to discuss whether to enroll in Catholic School or continue homeschooling. To illustrate classic decision-making theory, we put together a list of the pros and cons of each:

Catholic School – Pros:

1. Make more friends
2. Cute uniforms
3. Gym class
4. Music class
5. Art class
6. Recess
7. Fun after-school activities
8. Softball team
9. Irish step-dancing
10. Drama
11. Basketball team

Cons –

1. Costs more money
2. Will miss mom, dad, baby, and friends

Homeschooling - Pros:

1. Can make plans with friends during school day
2. Can wear whatever I want
3. Can spend more time with family
4. Can play outside more
5. Can do fun activities whenever I want
6. Can be silly in school
7. Can make noise in school
8. Can make up my own schoolwork
9. Can learn on my own schedule
10. Teacher knows me well
11. Can help teach

Cons –
Mom can’t take us everywhere to do as many activities as are available in school

The list may seem simplistic, but the purpose in drawing it up was to involve the children in the process of making a decision in a rational way. We let them know that Mom and Dad would have the final say, but their input was important to us.

According to decision-making theory, when both sides of the equation come out equally, then is the time to add emotional weights to each portion. Emotions were high on both sides as well. We waited for an answer from the Lord.

After my husband was in a car accident and we thought we would be unable to afford the tuition, I felt broken-hearted. It was then that I realized I had really been hoping to send the kids to school. A month later, my husband said he was on board if I wanted to go ahead with it, and we all attended an open house for our local regional Catholic school. We kept the application for about a week, during which the answer became increasingly clear.

At that time, I was co-leader of a large homeschooling field trip group on Long Island. My partner was very understanding about my decision. I wrote a letter to my members to explain our decision. I include portions of it here, as it lays out very well my feelings about homeschooling.

“Dear Fellow Homeschoolers,

My first homeschooling meeting (5 years ago!) was such an exciting experience. It was so awesome to find out that there were other mothers out there who were fun, intelligent, well-read, well-rounded, and willing to expend all their energies on their kids. At that time, my eldest was 4 and pretty much done with kindergarten. I knew it would be a waste of her time to put her through a formal kindergarten and that an individualized program would be the best thing for her. I didn’t know how long I would carry it on, but decided to make that decision one year at a time. Having close homeschooling family friends for both me and my children has been extremely personally rewarding. How lovely it is to sit chatting with a few best friends while all your children are having the time of their lives! It has also been my great pleasure to serve the homeschooling community for the past three years. Seeing the kids all having fun learn together – seeing the reaction of the management at museums, etc., to what wonderful children we all have – while also learning a thing or two myself – those are all experiences well worth the effort! Now that chapter has closed and my life journey continues. As my Dad says, from time to time your calling or purpose in life changes to something – not qualitatively better or worse but - different. This fall, my three older children will be attending a Catholic school while I tend to our new baby, home business, and incomplete novels.

To me, the essence of Homeschooling is the parents’ claiming the freedom of choice in education that is their natural right. That is why I will always consider myself to be a Homeschooler at heart, no matter where my children may complete their formal education.”

Here is a link to an online article I wrote during my homeschooling years:
http://thedabblingmum.com/parenting/storieshome/surviverudeness.htm

“There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1