The Mystery of Human Suffering

On my way to Home Depot, kids at home with my husband, I blasted the Rocky IV soundtrack from my minivan. Totally uncool, I know. Every time I listen to that I relive memories of me and my dad from when I was little and we would watch the Rocky movies together. He would get all pumped up and start lifting weights. Even after his diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, he would continue his weight lifting.

When I came home from a semester abroad, my parents surprised me with the diagnosis. At 18 years of age, I had been studying some atheistic philosophers and stunned my parents in return with the report that I had become an atheist. This was the clincher of my intellectual decision. How could God allow this to happen to my father?

As his disease progressed, he became unable to maintain his physical strength. Once the co-owner of a home building business, later a sales engineer in Manhattan, and always a work-a-holic, it saddened me to see him unable to work as he used to. I still love to build things and stain the house and decks because it reminds me of the work we used to do together.

But Dad never lost his faith. He continued to read his Bible every night. During times when he was unable to read, he would listen to the Bible on CD. He never stopped praying the prayer to “remove this mountain”. And eventually I would come to renew my faith, which reformed with even more resolve once I had performed this debate within myself for several years.

As I prepare for a visit to go see him with the kids, I wonder how it will hit me when I see him again. Every time I see him, years between visits, he looks worse and the change is hard to swallow. Last year at my sister’s wedding, my son took one look at him and cried.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church touches on the Mystery of Human Suffering. It is one of those facets of our faith that defies logic, and the Church has no real explanation except that all will be revealed in the end of times.

In EXCERPTS OF THE LECTURE GIVEN BY CARD. JAVIER LOZANO BARRAGÁN "Pain, an enigma or a mystery?: THE THINKING AND THEOLOGY OF JOHN PAUL II: A Christian understanding of pain and suffering", the profound observations of John Paul II are explained quite succinctly. For anyone wrestling with this mystery right now, I highly recommend reading this short and quite readable document here.

In His Holiness’ own words:
"John Paul II (PASTORAL VISIT OF HIS HOLINESS JOHN PAUL II TO VERCELLI AND TURIN (ITALY)(MAY 23-24, 1998)ADDRESS OF HIS HOLINESS POPE JOHN PAUL II Sunday, 24 May 1998:"

"4. The image of human suffering is reflected in the Shroud. It reminds modern man, often distracted by prosperity and technological achievements, of the tragic situation of his many brothers and sisters, and invites him to question himself about the mystery of suffering in order to explore its causes. The imprint left by the tortured body of the Crucified One, which attests to the tremendous human capacity for causing pain and death to one's fellow man, stands as an icon of the suffering of the innocent in every age: of the countless tragedies that have marked past history and the dramas that continue to unfold in the world. Before the Shroud, how can we not think of the millions of people who die of hunger, of the horrors committed in the many wars that soak nations in blood, of the brutal exploitation of women and children, of the millions of human beings who live in hardship and humiliation on the edges of great cities, especially in developing countries? How can we not recall with dismay and pity those who do not enjoy basic civil rights, the victims of torture and terrorism, the slaves of criminal organizations? By calling to mind these tragic situations, the Shroud not only spurs us to abandon our selfishness but leads us to discover the mystery of suffering, which, sanctified by Christ's sacrifice, achieves salvation for all humanity. Death is not the ultimate goal of human existence."

(For entire document click here.)


Good is always greater than evil and I can only comfort myself in that, for all the bad we experience on this earth, we cannot begin to imagine the majesty of the goodness that we will feel in Heaven.

Christ Carrying the Cross Attributed to Marco d' Oggiono
Italian, about 1495 - 1500

To Go to School, or Not?

Visiting Day at the Hospital 1889

“You’re not lonely today, are you, Mrs. Miller?” asks the school nurse when she calls me today.

No, I’m never lonely, I think, but play along anyway, and laugh, pretending I have a sense of humour.

Lately, I have not had one. It’s been a tough winter, with kids continually out sick with something. Now hit me all at once with all of them sick and me feeling crummy. I try to tell myself it could be worse, they could be in the hospital, we could have the Black Plague, but it doesn’t work. I recognize the cognitive behavioral definition of depression while going through it myself: the cycling of negative thoughts. You know it’s going on but feel helpless to break it. Like a drowning swimmer, you need someone to throw you a lifeline. My online friends do that for me, sending me prayers right when I need it.

None of my kids went to school today. It feels like that was the right decision, when I find out the flu is going around. The kids all received the flu shot this year, but this is a different strain.

My oldest one was out for three days last week, due to a fever. She never fully recovered and now has sinus pain, the reason for her absence today. My littlest one had a fever for three days over the weekend, followed by a constantly running nose that turned into a bloody nose after all the constant wiping. Perhaps my judgment was a little off, due to lack of sleep, when I followed through on my promise to distribute snacks at the school yesterday.

The second grade teacher complained about my son’s coughing, more than hinting that perhaps he shouldn’t return to school the next day. And my fifth grader came home hacking something scary. When I told them they weren’t going to school the next day, they complained. My fifth grader had a science bee she was looking forward to. My second grader just loves school – imagine that!

My seventh grader attempted to reason with them: "If you're sick your immunity is lowered and you are less resistant to catching the stomach virus. And if you get it we all get it. And I REALLY want to see the cousins!!!" We missed seeing them over Christmas break due to a stomach virus, and are looking forward to making up the visit next week.

They continued to insist they wanted to go to school. I said they could if they didn't cough once all night. But my eldest and I secretly plotted to not set the alarms so no one could wake them up on time.

It wound up being a balmy day, and after lunch we were all out in the backyard. Jacketless, I propped myself up on two chairs and picked up on my reading of Les Miserables. They played baseball, after finding a place that was not too muddy. My littlest one hates to get dirty, but she eventually let me put her down on the soggy ground in snow boots.

From our time in the sun, I had a good dose of natural melatonin to boost my mood. The kids can go back to school tomorrow; I’ll cross my fingers so they don’t pick up something else. I finally break my cycle of negative thoughts by repeating to myself, “I’m never alone, never alone, never alone, never alone.”

When All Else Fails, Play!

The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby by Charles Dickens

For two days, my eleven-year-old lay on the couch, sick with a fever and a cough. On the third, her fever subsided and she was ready to be more active. “Can we play a game today when the baby is sleeping?” she asked.

So we spent an hour playing mancala, pass-out, and Parcheesi. We laughed at the faces we made when we sniffed our noses and tried not to sneeze. As we enjoyed each other’s company, I wondered to myself why I don’t do this more often. When she was my only baby, we spent the entire day entertaining each other. When more came along and they were old enough to play with each other, I tended more to use their playtime as my time to get stuff done. Often, I thought that I had forgotten how to play.

But when I choose to sit down to a game with them, or pitch them balls in the backyard, I realize with relief how easy it is to fall back into childhood mode. Playing a game, all else disappears. I forget about all the stuff I have to get done, my future plans, and worries. I am truly living in the moment.

This morning, my daughter was well enough to return to school, but I had succumbed to the cold. I reached for the last diaper and groaned; I did not want to go to the store. Thankful that I had a reserve of four diapers in the diaper bag, I let my toddler play in her room while I got dressed.

I opened up my hope chest and reached for my oversized, handmade wool sweater, which I had purchased in Poland many years ago. It is well-preserved because I use it only on days when I need that extra comfort.

Then I heard a whirring sound coming from my daughter’s room. I went to her door and saw her playing her feed-the-frog game. She looked at my bare feet. “Stinkies?” she asked me.

“Yes, I need to get my socks on.”

I retrieved some socks and went to join her on the floor.

My husband came home for his lunch and found us there, trying to get plastic flies into the frog’s mouth.

“Is there a lunch?” he asked.

I answered with a sneeze.

He made himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and I returned to our game.

Where Have I Been?

All six members of my family, in addition to my houseguests, succumbed to a stomach virus, in various forms, over the weekend. ‘Nuff said. (Although our dog was not sick, we all felt the way Bear looks in the picture above.) Everyone is on the mend now, in time to go out and enjoy a beautiful snow that is presenting falling in my yard. Once I get all the kids out and the baby napping, I will be able to clear out my inbox and take out my journal to work on my New Years’ Resolutions. Do you have trouble making, or keeping, your resolutions? If you have time, please come back for my next post, “Towards a Better Resolution”, which I expect to publish over the next few hours. (I will also be consulting a grammar book to see if I should be using “toward” or “towards”.)

ADDENDUM:

According to Dr. Grammar,
Toward(s), Forward(s), Backward(s)?
"No final s ('towards'), although that's how they say it in Britain. Similarly, in American English, standard practice is not to add a final s to forward, backward, upward, onward, downward, and so on.
[Example:] George and Karmer were last seen heading toward the buffet." (O'Conner, Who Is I 117-118).

But according to English Chick,
Toward/Towards
These two words are usually considered to be alternate spellings of each other. Mostly, it's a matter of personal preference. In case you care, my own personal preference is to leave the "s" off, just because it can be confusing, seeming to imply plurality where there is none. (Incidentally, the same applies to "anyway/anyways.")

Since I grew up reading classic English literature, I lean towards keeping the s as my personal preference.

Did Adam and Eve Exist?

We are a little behind with our Jesse Tree this year. Normally when we trim the tree we would have a large fir branch we could use for this purpose. This time, the branches were cut at the nursery and my husband had not thought of bringing one home. I brought out our box of Jesse Tree ornaments and started today, with one scripture story per child, until we catch up.

During our reading of the story of Adam and Eve, my 11-year old daughter told me that everyone in her religion class, including her teacher, says the story is not true! It is just a story to teach a lesson, not to be taken literally, they say.

I informed my children that of course the story is true, the all of God’s Word is true, and that people have been trying to say otherwise since the dawn of time.

I teach my children not to believe everything they hear, whether it be in a textbook, in the newspaper, on television, or from their teacher.

But the Word of God is one thing they can always put their faith in.

Adam and Eve. Lucas Cranach the Elder, 1526. Courtauld Gallery, London

A Volcano Erupts in my Sink

“And now, for something completely different.”

If you’re easily grossed out, don’t read this post.

I’m working at my computer this afternoon when the front door bursts open. My son pounds up the steps. “I feel like I’m gonna throw up,” he exclaims.

“Try to make it to the sink,” I say.

Two steps more and he is in the bathroom, throwing up.

Within an hour, he is feeling much better, but the question still remains: how do I get this stuff to go down the drain? So I bring up a gallon of vinegar, pour it on, and let it sit for a while. It does some magic, but it needs more help. Four hours later, I have poured the entire gallon into the sink.

“Hmmm, how about baking soda?” I think to myself. This is normally what I use to clean out drains. I get the baking soda out of the fridge and sprinkle a little in. There is a satisfying fizz. What the heck, I think, and pour the rest of it in. Suddenly I remember that this is the way we make mud volcanoes in the backyard.

“Oh no!” I yell. The fizz is coming up and is halfway up the sink. My daughters come to see what is going on. It is grosser than gross, and I’m laughing hysterically. It comes right up to the rim of the sink and stops.

Five minutes later, the liquid settles, leaving only the molted lava at the base of the sink. Phew, that was a close one.

“The mountains melt like wax before the Lord, before the Lord of all the earth.”
Psalms 97:5

Photograph by Carsten Peter.
“Perched above the lighted city of Catania, Italy, Mount Etna hurls a fountain of fire skyward as rivers of lava spill down its flanks. In spite of its dazzling displays, Mount Etna is a relatively safe volcano with rare, compact eruptions and slow-flowing lava that gives people a chance to escape.” – National Geographic

10 Positive Things to Tell Yourself When You Have a Cold

1. It could be worse.
2. It will not last forever.
3. Looking miserable will not help.
4. Nobody is going to feel sorry for me.
5. This is my chance to read a good book.
6. I get to take a day off – or at least work at a slower pace today.
7. Oh the things I will do when I am all better!
8. This is my chance to enjoy a new herbal tea – and lots of it!
9. Honey by the spoonful – yum!
10. Gargling is fun! Gargle a tune. Pretend you are at the beach and just went under a wave, swallowing lots of salt water…

Saint Elizabeth feeding the sick in a hospital. Oil painting on copper by Adam Elsheimer, Frankfurt am Main c. 1598.