Contraception Commercials

What’s worse: a broken watermelon in your living room or a perforated uterus? If the latest Mirena commercials are to be believed, the first one is horrific; the second, just one of many possible side effects. This new series of commercials features a mother with two children, sometimes adorable, with a nice house and plans to travel. Suddenly they make a mess and she is saying, “Maybe I had enough”. Then there is another sweet moment, followed by a “…or maybe not.”

This whole picture of family life is totally jaded. When you marry someone it is “for better or for worse”. When you have children, it is for all of those moments of all kinds. It is the whole experience of what God is going to give you in that little mystery package you carry for nine months.

People don’t believe that a contraceptive mentality leads to abortion. Why, then, does New York City, which boasts high availability of family planning, have a 41 percent abortion rate? It is this very picture that is presented in the commercials. You can keep your perfect life with your well-formed plans, or you can throw caution to the wind…and something unpleasant might happen to your off-white parlor.

I, for one, try to keep a neat living room, but wouldn’t trade cleanliness or a bigger bank account or a trip to Europe for less kids. Finger paint on the walls, moldings eaten by the dog, red ink that exploded on the piano, muddy cleats on the front porch…these to me are the marking of a happy life, filled with the love of a husband and four kids…and all their pets.

Natural family planning has the same effectiveness as the birth control pill. In its practice, the difference is the trust factor. NFP fosters trust in God, your partner, and yourself. In the outcome, it can also mean the difference between “oops” and “a blessing from God”.

If you enjoyed this post you might want to read an older post of mine, “Our Little Observers: Talking to Kids About Contraception and the Media”.

The Apple of my Eye

A Mother And Child In An Interior

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings – Psalms 17:2

One of my very favorite things about being a stay-at-home mom is that mornings are so laid-back. The school-aged children know how to get themselves ready, and the bus stop is right at the end of my driveway. They kiss me and my husband goodbye and we go back to sleep, cozy and warm, until we are good and ready to start our day.

My three-year-old, now nap-free, goes to sleep at the same time as the older children and sleeps until around 9 a.m. She comes into our room and climbs between us, where we snuggle as our brains come to life.

On my husband’s side of the bed I have set up his favorite mementos: some Star Trek stuff, and a picture of our three older kids in front of the old Shea Stadium, circa 2005. Every time I dust, I think of replacing it with one that includes all the children, but I just can’t bring myself to put his beloved Shea away in a box.

This morning after my husband rolls out of bed she studies his personal belongings and declares, “Mommy, I not in there!”

I think about the significance of her statement.

He comes back over and I say, “Tell Daddy what you said about the picture.”

“Daddy, I not in there!”

“You weren’t born yet,” he explains.

“But - why I not in there?”

We are at a loss for words and answer by giving her some more morning snuggles.

An old saying comes back to me. Old friends of my parents used to say to me, “I knew you when you were the apple in your mother’s (or father’s) eye.” That statement puzzled me as a child. Then I learned in General Psychology that the pupils dilate when one is in the early stages of romantic attraction, and the saying became clear.

Although I always had the number four in my head for the number of children I would have, as a couple we have taken things one kid at a time. We never knew how many we would have – we still don’t know – but God always knew.

So in a larger sense, this little three-year-old was there in that picture. She was the apple in my eye, and in her father’s eye, and a plan in God’s eye. They always were, and always will be.

Will They Print It?

An Open Letter to American Baby Magazine
Re: Going Green with Natural Birth Control

Dear American Baby Magazine,

With four children, I have been a regular reader of your magazine for eleven years now. I was a little disappointed when I read the current issue’s article on birth control. It neglected to mention Natural Family Planning. Not your mother’s “rhythm method”, NFP is a scientific method of using a combination of calendar, temperature, and mucous observations to plan the timing and number of babies a couple will have. It comes with no risks or side effects and requires no medication. There is no better way for a woman to learn about her body, and no “greener” way to plan one’s family. My husband and I have been married for fifteen years and have perfectly planned our family using NFP.
Sincerely,
Elizabeth Kathryn Gerold-Miller

NFP and the Media

The current issue of American Baby has a big spread on birth control. I am sending them a letter pointing out that they neglected to mention Natural Family Planning as an option. As in homeschooling, the more people hear from us, the more mainstreamed NFP will be become. You can't get any "greener" than that!

"Emily's Hope", by Ellen Gable

“Emily’s Hope” by Ellen Gable is a semi-autobiographical novel about a young woman, Emily, who, in the course of doing a genealogical high school project, discovers the spotty life history of her great-grandmother, Katharine. Her curiosity continues as she explores the family albums into her forties.

During my reading of the first few chapters I feared the novel would be overly preachy. However, it is soon revealed that the physically innocent Emily is in her heart no saint, and has only remained a virgin for lack of opportunity. She falls prey to the liberal attitudes of the 1970s regarding premarital sex, contraception, and abortion, believing all the above are up to the individual and not harmful to society. As she embarks on her first romantic experiences, I found myself in suspense, hoping that she would still keep herself for marriage.

Emily has the great fortune of falling in love with a spiritual young man who lovingly convinces her that they should wait for marriage and practice Natural Family Planning. The book takes the reader through a long and difficult long-distance courtship and one hopes the young lovers will be able to continue practicing self-restraint. Do they or don’t they? That is part of the page-turning drama, which I will not spoil for the reader.

The chapters alternate between the stories of Emily and Katharine. Katharine does not present as a likable character. Cold, adulterous, and multi-abortive, one wonders what she could possibly have in common with the warm and thoughtful young Emily. Emily discovers with shock that the “BPO-Midwife” entries in her great-grandmother’s ledger refer to a turn-of-the-century practice among midwives of “bringing on the period” by abortion.

As Katharine begins to age, the reader is able to view her choices with more sympathy in light of the circumstances of her life. Emily does not condemn her ancestress, but forgives her poor choices and prays that she has received grace enough to enjoy the afterlife with her Maker.

The stories of both women show how intricately tied together with spiritual well-being is the way in which we use the gift of sexuality that God has given us. Emily and her husband demonstrate that with Natural Family Planning comes love and joy in its fullest. Several quotes from Papal Encyclicals may lead the reader to explore the original texts for themselves. Included at the end of the book are prayers and references that give hope to those who wish to renew their purity, who have had an abortion, or who have suffered a miscarriage.

As a subheading underneath each chapter number is a reference to a scripture, which the author leaves to the reader to look up for oneself. I must confess that, during my initial reading of the book, I was too curious to find out what happens next to the characters to stop and pick up my Bible. However, upon completing the book I looked up each reference and found that each one was carefully picked in a way that would set the tone of each chapter. I wish now that I had kept my Bible by my side while reading the novel through the first time.

There are some mildly descriptive scenes in which both Emily and Katharine miscarry due to tubal pregnancies. The purposes of these sections are not for shock value, but rather to convey the emotional effects on each of the women. Also portrayed are a few near-death experiences as well as a young woman who dies due to an abortive attempt. For this reason, I would not recommend this book for the young, innocent teen. However, lest I scare off the more mature but squeamish reader (as I would describe myself), I will say these scenes are depicted delicately, with much sympathy toward the victims of these tragedies.

Heartbreakingly, Emily and Jay lose six children due to tubal pregnancies and miscarriages. However, they do have at least five sons and hope for more. One of the scripture references is one that I think summarizes the tone and purpose of the book. “But not only that - we even boast of our afflictions! We know that affliction makes for endurance, and endurance for tested virtue, and tested virtue for hope. And this hope will not leave us disappointed, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5, NAB)

I can see this text as being highly valuable in preparation for marriage. I would recommend reading it together with older teens as part of the discussions of courtship and how best to respect and enjoy God’s gift of sexuality in the context of marriage. Also for older couples who may find something lacking in their relationship, this book may convince them that Natural Family Planning could result in their experiencing marriage in the fullness and joy intended by God.

For more information or to order a copy of the book, go to Full Quiver Publishing (www.fullquiverpublising.com) or write to:
Full Quiver Publishing
P.O. Box 244
Pakenham, Ontario KoA 2Xo
Canada
You may email the author at:
Info@fullquiverpublishing.com

This review has also been posted at a new blog:
"Catholic Media Review:
Shining the Light of Christ on Everything the Media Does"