Living Deliberately

Walk Along Walden

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life.” – Henry David Thoreau, Walden

A long time ago, it seems – really just five years ago but it seems like a lifetime ago – I had a pretty quiet life. We were homeschooling, and took life one day at a time. I looked at some of my friends who worked and had their children in multiple activities and felt sorry for them. Their brains seemed so full of scheduling dilemmas that there was no room for intellectual depth.

Now, with three kids in school and all of them involved in travel softball and baseball, we are busy every day. There is so much activity packed into spring and carrying over into the first few weeks of summer that it takes a few weeks to catch one’s breath. I try to schedule some “down time” into every day, a few hours of swimming in the pool before dinner and that night’s ball games, but it is still mentally and physically exhausting when there is no break in the constant commitments.

Leisure is needed to allow for depth of thought. Why I haven’t been writing as much as I used to has as much to do with the state of my brain as with my schedule. I used to wonder why those busy friends of mine seemed so “shallow”. Was I becoming like them? If I kept up at this pace, would I become a thoughtless creature, going through the motions of life without the whole of my soul involved?

We finally had a few days with nothing scheduled, and I even turned off the computer, which often provides distraction from absorption into family time. We read books, played chess, watched baseball, and just hung around. It was great. After a full day of doing next-to-nothing, I sat down and did a long-put-off project and was quite pleased.

Summer is a time for rest and restoration. As the kids get older and are provided with more options for activity outside of the house, it requires much deliberation to balance purposeful activity (whether work/play, or a combination of the two, such as sports) with rest and thought.

Are you getting enough rest to restore your soul on a daily basis? Is there a deliberate purpose to whatever you have planned for your family this summer? Are you just keeping busy or are you living deeply, sucking the marrow of life?

First Day of Summer

No, I did not have writers’ block this week. I was just really, really busy!

School was over for my children at 10:30 A.M. this Thursday. I had spent the week getting things done that I knew I would have difficulty doing with them all home. I thought of a friend who, upon my changeover from homeschooling to Catholic School, asked me, “Are you going to become one of those moms who can’t wait for their kids to leave for school?”

I do know people who say they dread having their children home for the summer. I believe I have blogged on this before, but I think the topic begs revisiting after my second full year of having my children in school. Have I become one of those moms?

No, I have not. I do believe I have struck quite a happy balance, enjoying both the times with all my kids home and the times without. While they are gone, I am happy that they are in a nurturing environment with wonderful, loving, Christ-loving teachers who are imparting the same values as us in a different venue. I hear the stories of their friends in school, and have met many of them, and am thankful they are able to spend quality time with other nice children.

When they are home, I remember all of the older mothers who have stopped me in the stores and said, “This time goes by so fast. Enjoy it while you can.” I feel like there is so much living to be done in the time we have together. Because the time is less, I treasure it all the more.

My nine-year-old’s friend came home with her on the bus. She stayed until dinner time, after which we went to get my son’s fifth pair of glasses for the year. We polished off the day with a trip to the library. We brought all the kids’ summer recommended reading lists so they could pick which books they wanted to read for the summer.

Our first full day home, Friday, we went shoe shopping. I caught one of the BOGO sales at Payless Shoe Source and was able to get two pairs of wedding shoes for my girls (who will be junior bridesmaids at my sister’s wedding); two pairs of school shoes for my son (in his present size as well as the next size); and two pairs of flip-flips (for me and my eleven-year old, who is now a half-size bigger than me).

We had a tough time finding school shoes for the girls. The kids’ shoe department stops at size 4 ½. Then women’s shoes starts at size 5. But a size 7 women’s is the same as a size 4 girl’s. Can anyone explain that to me? We have to try to find a women’s shoe that fits my girls’ feet. “Why don’t they make children’s shoes in larger sizes?” my girls wanted to know. I would like to know the same thing.

We went to another store, where my eleven-year old found a quality pair that were a “cool” style. I guess they don’t say “cool” anymore, but it still means the same thing to me, ala Billy Joel. My nine-year-old tried on three pairs and hated them all. She said she was the only one who did not go shopping and I tried to explain that one is still technically “shopping”, even if one does not purchase anything.

Today my next-door-neighbor’s three children came over for two hours. Then my kids went over to her house for two hours. Upon their return, my daughters reported that my son had misbehaved over there. We required that he write an apology note and my husband escorted him to deliver it.

I found some more treasures over at my across-the-street-neighbor’s moving sale. An eight-foot-ladder, some baskets, a toaster oven, a VCR, and some plywood. My husband would like for me to stop bringing home other people’s junk.

It has been a delightful week! I hope the summer has much more of the same in store for us!

“As long as the earth lasts,
seedtime and harvest,
cold and heat,
summer and winter,
and day and night
shall not cease.”

Genesis 8:22

Painting: The Boating Party by Mary Cassatt

The Great Gatsby and the Heat of June

Today was a scorcher – relatively speaking – for us Long Islanders who have had little prelude to summer. Our pool was not yet open and the air conditioning not ready to be turned on. My bicycle had a flat tire.

We took turns putting our feet in the baby’s kiddie pool, which is about one yard in diameter. When she got tired of it, we dumped it for safety’s sake.

Then we could think of nothing to do. A rarety for us! My husband was out in the yard mowing, soaking in the rays and uncomplaining.

This morning we had purchased a student desk from our neighbor who was moving. I told my eldest daughter, the recipient, to spray it down with Liquid Gold before bringing it in. I think the polish got all over the front porch and we all brought it in on our feet, because later on the front hallway felt slippery. I gave it a quick mop, which I believe spread the Liquid Gold in a thin sheen that spread across the entire floor, which runs the length of my house from front to back.

When the baby got up from her nap, she noticed the floor looked wet, and was wisely hesitant to walk on it. I told my 9-year-old daughter to mop the floor with soap. Still the floor was slippery. Then my 11-year-old daughter mopped it, to no avail. So the baby was stuck in the living room, as were we.

Everyone was complaining.

“It’s too hot.”

“I’m too tired.”

I thought of the long, boring chapter in The Great Gatsby in which Nick accompanies his bickering acquaintances to a hot, upper-story apartment in a non-descript part of town. They are all sitting around, drinking cocktails and getting on each other’s nerves. I remember reading that in high school and not being able to make much sense out of that particular chapter. When I reread it last year, the long, drawn-out scene still irritated me and eventually put me to sleep.

As I thought of that, I wondered how I could put this story into my blog, and what moral I could tell with it. Could I write myself a lesson to get out of my own unpleasant mood?

I could think of nothing, and our own long, drawn-out scene soon played itself out. The shade appeared and we were able to enjoy the backyard once again. We barbecued and put the baby to bed. The kids were ordered to watch “Snow White”, as a lesson on how to “whistle while you work”, while I gave the floor the most elbow-grease it has gotten in a year.

“Do all things without murmurings and disputings.” Phillipians 2:14

You can read "The Great Gatsby", by F. Scott Fitzgerald, online at this link.

End of Summer

The school year is fast approaching. It makes me feel sad. Since August 1, I’ve been feeling like something happy and wonderful is now more than half over.

I have heard people saying, “I can’t wait for school to start.” I don’t know what they mean. I think it’s horrible.

These years go by so quickly. I look at my one-year-old and think how it’s like yesterday my ten-year-old was that size. Now she’s becoming a young lady sparkling with personality and an internal beauty that shines.

I’ve been able to “let go” enough to send them to school. After having given them a solid basis for thinking on their own, I have seen them blossom in their newfound independence. This is why God gave them to me – to help them to grow up. But every moment I have with them is as precious as gold.

“When I was a child,
I used to talk as a child,
Think as a child,
Reason as a child;
When I became a man,
I put aside childish things.”
I Corinthians 13:11

Painting: “Beach Friends”, by Rick Mundy