2009 Fall Kickoff of 40 Days for Life

Blow the trumpet in Zion! Proclaim a fast, call an
assembly. Gather the people, notify the congregation.
Assemble the elders; gather the children and the
infants at the breast... Let the priests, the
ministers of the Lord, weep and say, "Spare, O Lord,
your people."

-- Joel 2:15-17

Today is day 1 of 40 Days for Life, an intensified effort of prayer, fasting, and action toward the end of abortion in America. Go to www.daysforlife.com to find out about events in your area or to receive a daily update and devotional.

My fast is to give up the computer from 12-2 each day. This will be hard for me to do, but is reasonable because that is the time I am least likely to receive crucial emails. If you catch me with a green light on my email address or on Facebook during that time, please scold me!

Engraving: Prophesy of Joel, Mattheus Merian the Elder 1625-30

Feasting or Fasting?

“Jesus answered them, "Can you make the wedding guests fast while the bridegroom is with them?” ”
- Luke 5:34

Jesus’ disciples were being criticized for partaking in food and drink, while other religious groups were publicly fasting and praying. Jesus responded by comparing His presence with the disciples, to a groom celebrating with his groomsmen. There is a time for prayer and fasting, and a time for feasting and celebration. When we fellowship with others, we are supposed to participate fully in each other. If we are making a personal fast, it is okay to temporarily suspend that in order to share a meal with our neighbor, in whom Jesus dwells. On the other hand, if your neighbor feels it is important to keep his fast, you must respect that, rather than acting as a stumbling block for his faith. The commandment to love one another trumps all other rules we make for ourselves.

Prayer: Please help me to remember to put love above adherence to rules.

You might enjoy a personal story I wrote in which a friend and I shared an Apple Crisp during 40 Days for Life.

Read about the upcoming fast for the end of abortion at 40 Days for Life

The Miraculous Drought of Fishes by Joachim Beuckelaer
Netherlandish, Antwerp, 1563
Oil on panel

Another Reason to Rejoice

One of the Family

We just found out about the Sunday Rule for Lent this year. For our family sacrifice, we decided to repeat last year’s disavowal of ice cream. We had been successful in that, although our daily bowl of ice cream was missed, mostly because it was an easily controlled urge. All I had to do was not buy it when I went food shopping.

Last year, we didn’t realize we could have ice cream on Sundays, and actually went the whole 40 days without it. This year I knew we could have it that one day, but decided not to buy it anyway. It would just be beckoning to us all week long.

I finally had a chance to take my ten-year-old daughter out to buy a new softball bat with her birthday money. Her birthday was around Christmas, but the pickings were slim at the sports store in the middle of the winter. So, on my last free Sunday of the season, we headed out before the big snowstorm. I am really not a big shopper, and the big stores are pretty far away, so I tend to save up all my errands. We hit Sports Authority for her birthday bat, Toys’R’Us for my son’s upcoming birthday, and Panera Bread. (We also looked for a Barnes and Nobles, for which she had a gift card, but couldn’t find one.)

I had been carrying around several “free cookie” coupons from Panera Bread since the summer, when my kids had earned them from the Library Summer Reading Program. We stopped in. “The chocolate chip cookies are just coming out of the oven,” the lady behind to counter said.

My daughter leaned in to me and whispered, “I gave up chocolate for Lent.”

I whispered back, “It’s okay. On Sundays you can have what you gave up.”

Her face brightened.

The lady waited impatiently. “Do you know what you want?”

“Yes, we’ll take the chocolate chip cookie please.”

It was so hot that she had trouble getting it into the container without breaking it. The manager cautioned us to be careful.

When we got home, the snowstorm began. After dinner, I served chocolate cake. My eleven-year-old had given up desserts entirely, and was happy to hear she could have some.

What did my almost-eight-year-old son give up? “Being annoying,” at the behest of his sisters. He decided to be really strong and not be annoying, even on Sunday.

And what rewards we reaped! A whole 14 inches of snow that night, and no school! Even my husband stayed home, an extreme rarity for him. They made an igloo. While they were shoveling, I took our 2-1/2-year-old out. The snow was up to her knees, but she insisted on getting through it herself. “The snow is big,” she said.

“O sing unto the Lord a new song; for he hath done marvelous things: his right hand, and his holy arm, hath gotten him the victory.”
Psalms 98:1

The WHY of Sacrifice

My ten-year-old is giving up chocolate for Lent.

“What are you giving up?” she asks me.

“Clutter.”

“Huh?”

“Stuff I don’t need.”

“But isn’t that easy? If you don’t need it, how is that a sacrifice?”

“Well, for me it’s hard to do. And I get to turn it into almsgiving, as well.”

I love it when I can kill two birds with one stone. Prayer, fasting, almsgiving: those make three. If I pray while I am sorting through my belongings, I have them all covered.

Where does the temptation come in? There is temptation to keep stuff; to be lazy; to let it gather in the garage rather than put it in the car and take it to its destination; to not do it one day because I exceeded my minimum goal of ridding my house of one cubic foot of material goods the previous day. (I remember that it matters not what we did for Christ yesterday; He holds us accountable for what we did today.)

In the long run, I and my family will benefit from this Lenten activity. My house is losing weight, so to speak.

That brings up a question I have long had about Lenten fasting. Considering the well-established fact that the majority of American adults are trying to lose weight, I think it must be a thought in the back of their minds that, in giving up candy, snacks, desserts, and meat, they might just lose weight by Easter.

And, if that thought is present, is it wrong?

I had never seen this answer addressed until recently. While reviewing blogs for Catholic Mothers Online, I came across another blogger who held that it is wrong to fast with the motivation of losing weight.

And I suddenly realized that I really disagreed with this conclusion.

I think back to the day I quit smoking. I became a casual smoker in college, and never really thought it was very bad for me. I would not have quit for myself. The day I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter, I quit. Does the fact that this decision was good for me detract from the positive motivation of doing something good for my unborn baby? I don’t think so.

Two years later, a few weeks after the birth of our second daughter, my husband quit. He was a serious smoker, at two packs a day. He was still healthy and had no motivation to quit. However, the day the state tax increased the cost of a pack to $4 (January, 1999), he realized he had to quit for the financial good of the family. He quit cold turkey, and hasn’t slipped once. Again, someone who was giving up something for someone else and benefitted by his own well-being.

As temples of the Holy Spirit, we are commanded to take care of our bodies. When we knowingly fill those temples with things that are not good for us, we are falling prey to the weakness of sin. Year round, God wants us to take care of our bodies. If it takes a sacrifice to God to make it finally happen, I believe He is pleased. If we make that a lasting change, it is even better.

I read that Gwyneth Paltrow regularly goes on cleansing fasts of a minimum of ten days, during which she consumes nothing but water, lemon juice, and cayenne pepper. That would be a fast with the prime motivation of losing weight – and one which most of us would not be capable of holding up to. Now, losing weight or quitting smoking should not be the only motivation in our fasts, but the fact that it is difficult and we are willing to do it for God, while offering up our suffering in prayer, I believe makes it an acceptable Lenten sacrifice.

“But, even if I am poured out as a libation upon the sacrificial service of your faith, I rejoice and share my joy with all of you.”
Philippians 2:17

Landscape with the Temptation of Christ, Joos de Momper, 1564

Also posted at St. Blog’s The Divine Gift of Motherhood.

No Ashes for Me Today

I was unable to get to church today because my toddler, once again, is sick with a cold and fever.

“Don’t worry, it’s not a holy day of obligation,” my husband reminded me. He has reassured himself of this because he always works long hours during the week and cannot spare the time to attend church.

“At least the kids will get their ashes in school,” I say, as I whip up a tuna salad for our lunch.

Then I realize that I forgot to remind the kids not to use lunchmeat when they made their sandwiches last night. “Children are exempt before Confirmation, I think. Still, coming in with bologna sandwiches is not the fashionable thing to do in a Catholic School. I hope they don't get ribbed for it if they forgot.”

I had really thought I was ahead of the game this season of Lent. On Sunday I had my game plan of resolutions ready. I went food shopping and came home with two pounds of flounder for today’s dinner, and three pounds of ricotta cheese for Friday’s dinner. I even got a jumpstart on the decluttering I had planned to do. I had six cubic feet worth of stuff ready to go out the door today for donations. But God had other plans for me today. Maybe part of it was an extra dose of humility.

When the kids got home from school, I was preparing the flounder. “Hey, what did you kids make for lunch today?” I asked.

“Oh, Mom!” exclaimed my eleven-year-old, “We forgot we weren’t supposed to have meat! I had just finished my bologna sandwich when I realized it! I asked my math teacher if there were exceptions and she said to ask my religion teacher so I did. And she said if it was a mistake it’s okay, and if you’re under 14 you’re exempt. So then I felt better.”

She said she was giving up being mean to her siblings, having a messy room, and dessert. She said she’d have dessert on Sunday but not the other two. I liked her list.

Click here to read last year's post on Ash Wednesday.

Painting above: Christ Served by the Angels, Jacques de Stella, c. 1650

The Lenten Decision

“What should I give up for Lent?” my eleven-year-old asked, slouching into the couch.

“I can’t really give you the answer to that,” I replied, “You have to figure that out on your own.”

“Everybody in school already knows what they’re doing.”

“So what types of things are they giving up?”

“DS’s, TV, junk food…”

Those are all things we don’t do much of in our house, anyway. My kids don’t have hand-held video game devices, they don’t watch much TV, and I don’t buy any junk food.

“Remember what the priest talked about on Sunday, how what we give up should be something that makes sense for us, that cleanses us and improves our relationship with God and others?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, how about giving up behaviors that are harmful, like complaining, or teasing your brother, or having a messy room?” ( I couldn’t resist the opportunity to throw that one in.)

“I don’t know what to do…”

“Well, pray about it. And you don’t have to tell anyone what you’re giving up. It’s between you and God.”

Prayer, almsgiving, fasting. The three main components of Lenten practice, as outlined in Pope Benedict XVI’s Message for Lent.

I have some personal faults I will be working on, in addition to the following, which I am happy to share:

Prayer: Please join me in the 40 Days for Life. Pray the rosary once a day for the end of abortion. There are other activities you can join in on, such as peaceful vigils (which you can locate on the website), but prayer is something we can all do from anywhere.

Almsgiving: I am going to give up 40 cubic feet of CLUTTER! Every day I am going to get a box and remove 1 cubic foot of stuff that I don’t need and that I can donate to someone who does.

Fasting: Food usually isn’t a big part of my Lenten practice, except that I make fish twice a week instead of once. I am still nursing, so need all my meals. And I long ago gave up on almost all junk food, so there is not much I can really give up there.

The decision of what to do for Lent is a highly personal one. I wish you God-speed as you embark on your 40-day spiritual journey.

Painting by Ivan Kramskoy, Christ in the Wilderness, 1872.

40 Days for Life Spring 2009

The 40 Days for Life Spring 2009 Campaign starts on Ash Wednesday and continues for 40 days. You can go to 40DaysforLife.com to find events near you. If you are unable to participate in an event in your area, you can make a personal commitment to fast and pray specifically for that purpose during Lent. For example, instead of making Fish on Fridays, I will make it on Sundays and Fridays. Actually, that is not much of a sacrifice for me, as I love fish. I am still thinking of what to give up. As moms, we already have given up most of our old vices and are used to doing without for the sake of our children. Each year it seems I have less and less to give up.
You can also consider giving a little more to your local Birthright center, or writing more letters to politicians to fight legislation that supports abortion.
This spring so much more hangs in the balance. The more we can do, the better.

Pope Benedict's Message for Lent 2009

MESSAGE OF HIS HOLINESS
BENEDICT XVI
FOR LENT 2009
"He fasted for forty days and forty nights,
and afterwards he was hungry" (Mt 4,1-2)
You can read the message here:
http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/messages/lent/documents/hf_ben-xvi_mes_20081211_lent-2009_en.html

So You Call that Fasting?

When you see the meal I prepared for dinner tonight after I told you I would be fasting and praying for the election, you might say, “So you call that fasting?”

Catholic rules for fasting are very well laid out, and allow for one to have two square meals. They are even allowed to be delicious! Meat and dessert are forbidden on fasting days. I usually make fish, which I love, and subsequently I hardly feel like I gave up anything. (Until later, when I normally would have dessert.) For the kids, I will make a dessert that I don’t like. Tonight I made “Funfetti” cake from a mix. As I am what my husband calls a “cake snob”, only enjoying angel or chocolate cakes made from scratch, this is not a temptation for me.

Tonight we had salmon, rice with onions, steamed organic broccoli, and salad with my own homemade dressing. This vinaigrette is loaded with so many healthy fats and proteins that it could qualify as a meal in itself. This also helps in maintaining a fast, as you remain satisfied for much longer.

Fast for Hope!

Answering the Call

Matthew Chapter 21 (NAB)
28
1 "What is your opinion? A man had two sons. He came to the first and said, 'Son, go out and work in the vineyard today.'
29
He said in reply, 'I will not,' but afterwards he changed his mind and went.
30
The man came to the other son and gave the same order. He said in reply, 'Yes, sir,' but did not go.
31
2 Which of the two did his father's will?" They answered, "The first." Jesus said to them, "Amen, I say to you, tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God before you.
32
3 When John came to you in the way of righteousness, you did not believe him; but tax collectors and prostitutes did. Yet even when you saw that, you did not later change your minds and believe him.

Once again the Gospel hit home with my train of thoughts for the week. I had committed to the 40 Days for Life Fast, and had broken my fast. I had a whole string of excuses.

1. The school was requiring us to sell 50 chocolate bars. We do not feel comfortable doing this, so we are forced to eat them ourselves. This year there were dark chocolate almond bars – how could I resist? Oh, I am so weak.

2. I had headaches every afternoon this week, lowering my resistance to stress-reducing foods.

3. I can try, but really I can’t blame breastfeeding for this one. I may need 3 square meals to sustain us both, but the baby definitely does not need chocolate.

This scripture encouraged me to get back on track and start the week anew.

I thought further on answering God’s personal calling for us. Had I ever ignored a call to do some work I was hesitant to do?

I connected this to the story of Jonah. Boy did he resist. His work was so important that God would not allow defiance, and turned his shoulder in every way until the mission was completed – and attitude adjusted.

I have known several persons whose lives were changed for the better after meeting some sort of calamity or illness. Does God allow these pitfalls at times to turn us onto the course he has planned for us?

I encourage my readers’ thoughts on how they have heard and answered God’s calling to them; I will be focusing on this topic over the coming week.

Picture above: "The Parable of the Vineyard", Matthaeus Merian the Elder, 1625-30. Biblical Art on the WWW.

40 Days for Life, 2008

During October we celebrate Respect Life Month. The 40 Days for Life program is a time of fasting, prayer, and increased vigil and community outreach for the pro-life cause. The Official 40 Days for Life starts on September 24 and ends on Nov. 2.

This year a group of us have decided to take it to the next level, praying fervently for the election of a pro-life President and Vice President. We will act during the 40 Days for Life as we would during Lent, making sacrifices, and eating on Wed. and Fri. as we would on Fridays during Lent. We will continue this fast until the Presidential Election.

I try not to repeat myself in this blog, but whenever I write about fasting I remind pregnant and lactating women that they are exempt from physical fasting. Instead, treat the constant physical care of yourself and your baby as a prayer; offer it up to God as your sacrifice. Please see below for the Catholic rules on fasting.

I encourage everyone to look at the website to find out what kick-off events might be going on in a city near you for 40 Days for Life. Also, keep in mind the gospel for this week. The owner of a vineyard went out to find laborers at 9:00, 12:00, 3:00, and 6:00. At the end of the day, those who started work in the evening were paid as much as those who started working in the early morning. “Your ways are not my ways. . .Last shall be first, and first shall be last.”

I always took this passage to mean our final reward in heaven would not be dependent on how long in life you served Christ; as long as you turned to Him in the end you would receive everlasting life. But in the context of this time of prayer, I interpret it to mean that you can join in the fast at any time. Keep telling your friends about it, and even if they join in at day 39 or 40 their prayers will do the Lord’s work.

*************************************************
A NOTE ON FASTING FOR PREGNANT OR NURSING MOTHERS
*************************************************
I will be following a modified fast because I am a nursing mother. Please read on for the Catholic rules of fasting. (Emphasis added by me.)

"Fasting. The law of fasting requires a Catholic from the 18th Birthday [Canon 97] to the 59th Birthday [i.e. the beginning of the 60th year, a year which will be completed on the 60th birthday] to reduce the amount of food eaten from normal. The Church defines this as one meal a day, and two smaller meals which if added together would not exceed the main meal in quantity. Such fasting is obligatory on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. The fast is broken by eating between meals and by drinks which could be considered food (milk shakes, but not milk). Alcoholic beverages do not break the fast; however, they seem to be contrary to the spirit of doing penance.

Those who are excused from fast or abstinence. Besides those outside the age limits, those of unsound mind, the sick, the frail, pregnant or nursing women according to need for meat or nourishment, manual laborers according to need, guests at a meal who cannot excuse themselves without giving great offense or causing enmity and other situations of moral or physical impossibility to observe the penitential discipline.

Aside from these minimum penitential requirements Catholics are encouraged to impose some personal penance on themselves at other times. It could be modeled after abstinence and fasting. A person could, for example, multiply the number of days they abstain. Some people give up meat entirely for religious motives (as opposed to those who give it up for health or other motives). Some religious orders, as a penance, never eat meat. Similarly, one could multiply the number of days that one fasted. The early Church had a practice of a Wednesday and Saturday fast. This fast could be the same as the Church's law (one main meal and two smaller ones) or stricter, even bread and water. Such freely chosen fasting could also consist in giving up something one enjoys - candy, soft drinks, smoking, that cocktail before supper, and so on. This is left to the individual.

One final consideration. Before all else we are obliged to perform the duties of our state in life. Any deprivation that would seriously hinder us in carrying out our work, as students, employees or parents would be contrary to the will of God."

---- Colin B. Donovan, STL

For other posts I have written on the topic of fasting click here.

Our Family's Easter

Easter Sunday had its ups and downs, as do all days.

It started at a little after midnight.

When my little brother and I went food shopping on Saturday night, we picked up six half-gallons of ice cream. He put them on the conveyor belt in a pyramid, hoping to cheer up the cashier, who was in a grumpy mood. It didn’t work; she was ready to sign off work and her smiles had been completely worn out.

I figured we were safe to give up our Lenten ice cream fast after the sun had gone down, but I waited until after midnight anyway. It was my favorite kind: Edy’s Chocolate Chips. And it tasted twice as good for having given it up for 40 days.

Fast-forward eight hours to morning. For the third year in a row, my eggs came out soft-boiled and were not edible. They certainly were pretty, though.

We got to the 11:00 Mass ten minutes early, but still could not find a pew where we could all sit together. There was a run-over service in the parish hall, so we went there. My toddler would not stop talking in church and I spent most of the mass out in the hallway. The few times I tried to go back in, she would say something and I was given some looks that could kill. My seat had been taken as well. My only consolation was my remembrance of that beautiful Good Friday Mass I had been able to thoroughly enjoy.

I had asked our good friends to be at my house promptly at 1:00 so that we could have an early dinner. They were there on time, but we did not eat early. I had gotten an eleven-pound smoked ham, which I had thought was precooked and just needed to be heated up. When I peeled off the instruction sticker, I realized with horror that it would take 4 hours at 350 degrees to cook the ham.

I called my mother, who had taught me the quick way to bake a foil-wrapped turkey. It turned out she had made the same exact mistake as me, and she too was waiting for her ham to bake down in Tennessee. She was not sure if the turkey trick would work with pork. I put a cover on my baking pan and upped the temperature to 400 degrees.

My friends had brought The Sound of Music on DVD. It was perfect for the waiting time; dinner was ready in three hours. I apologized up and down. My friend was happy she had finally been able to get her husband to watch The Sound of Music.

After dinner, the kids went exploring in the woods while I got ready for dessert. They had an awesome time!

My brother had a 7:30 AM flight out of LaGuardia, so we watched a late movie, took a power nap, downed some English Breakfast Tea, and drove to Queens at 2:30 in the morning. The drive was easy, with no traffic in the middle of the night, but I was still nervous about encountering drunk drivers. It turned out I mostly shared the road with truckers, which was just fine with me. I was very happy to be home.

I put on an Alfred Hitchcock film and fell asleep on the couch around 5:30 AM. The kids were on vacation and helped me take care of the baby until I woke up for good around 11:30.

Fast-forward to evening, when I was able to enjoy yet another bowl of my favorite ice cream!

Allelujah! He is risen!

Artwork above:
Fra Angelico, 1400’s
The Resurrection,
San Marc Museum, Florence.

Continuing in Our Fasts

Following my husband’s lead, the entire family has given up ice cream for Lent. Kevin and I have replaced our late night bowl of dairy delight for popcorn – lots of popcorn. We are really getting sick of it! Lately I have been having this vague desire to drive to the food store and pick up some ice cream.

Now I have a great excuse of having an ice cream–loving houseguest arriving next week. I plan to go food shopping on Saturday night, and was toying with the idea of abandoning our fast and stocking up on ice cream. Only so that our houseguest could feel at home, of course.

Kevin said no. We had made this commitment, we have stuck with it thus far, and we were not going to give up now.

After exploring my reasoning I realize I really want to buy ice cream for myself, not my houseguest. He would be equally happy with my homemade cake, cookies, or – yes – popcorn.

Perhaps we can allow ourselves a celebratory meal (in honor of our guest, of course) one day next week and go out for ice cream, but we will not bring it into the house.

I pray I can keep my resolve and walk quickly past the frozen dairy case this Saturday evening.

Whenever I talk about fasting, I always put this up as a reminder, especially for many of my readers who are pregnant or nursing.

Those who are excused from fast or abstinence:
Besides those outside the age limits, those of unsound mind, the sick, the frail, pregnant or nursing women according to need for meat or nourishment, manual laborers according to need, guests at a meal who cannot excuse themselves without giving great offense or causing enmity and other situations of moral or physical impossibility to observe the penitential discipline.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

If you enjoyed this post, or you are faltering in your fast, you might enjoy reading my post on “Failing in Our Fasts”.

Failing in our Fasts

On Ash Wednesday, the baby turned her dinner bowl over onto her head. She looked adorable in her silly “hat”.

Then I remembered what had been in the bowl.

“Flounder! Fish hair! Oh no! Bleah bleah!”

Having fish for dinner is no sacrifice at our house. It is a great excuse to browse in the fish department and try new ways to make it.

My eldest daughter said that she was going to give up dessert for Lent. “All except for Fridays,” she said, “because I already give up meat those days.”

I hated to be a stumbling block for her, but I had already begun a batch of chocolate chip cookies. This was part of my new strategy, based on some advice from my Nanna, to give the baby baked goods before bedtime. This has worked all week in filling her up so she can sleep through the night.

“Are you sure about that resolution, honey?” I asked.

“Well, since we had fish today maybe I can have the cookies tonight.”

Later, my husband decided he would give up his nightly pint of ice cream.

Thinking of the scripture, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord,” I thought, “Why don’t we all follow suit and give up ice cream together.”

After all, much as we love our ice cream, this was one that would not rely on our self control. As I do the shopping, all I had to do was not stock the freezer with ice cream for 40 days. I thought maybe this would be too easy for the family, and not count fully as a sacrifice.

But then I remembered that this is what we are to do on a daily basis to avoid sin. “Flee from evil,” we are commanded. We are to remove ourselves from situations that tempt us to sin.

I know I may seem to be contradicting my last post, in which I said food was not my first choice as a sacrifice. This is one way I can make it easier for my family to give up something for an entire 40 days. I am also encouraging everyone to make their own sacrifices in addition to that.

I announced my own, to give up “critical complaining”. The kids rejoiced until I explained further. This doesn’t mean I can’t ask the kids to clean their rooms. It just means I have to do it in a more constructive way, complimenting them first on what they have done, and gently asking them to improve their messy ways.

Within minutes of this proclamation, I had already broken my promise.

On Day Three of Lent, many of us are in a similar predicament. We have already cheated on our personal Fasts and wonder if we should just give up, or perhaps exchange one vow for a new and easier one.

St. Paul complained that he was unable to stop sinning. He failed what he set out to do, and wound up doing what he did not want to do. But did he give up and go back to his old self, Saul? No, he knew that “we have all come short of the Glory of God”, and he simply asked God to help him to fight his sinful nature.

So I encourage everyone to stick to their vows. If you break your fast, ask Christ to forgive you and give you the strength not to do it again. That is why He died for us, so that His Blood may continually wash away our sins. This is why we celebrate Lent.

Painting above:
“Landscape with the Temptation of Christ”
Augustin Hirschvogel, 1545. State Hermitage Museum.

Ash Wednesday: "What Should I Give Up?"

“Proclaim a fast,
call an assembly;
Gather the elders,
All who dwell in the land,
Into the house of the Lord, your God,
And cry to the Lord!”
Joel 2:14

A few years ago, while I was homeschooling, I belonged to a Little Flowers group. This was a little girl’s group that focused on the emulating the virtues of various saints. Back then I “only” had 3 children. Most of the other mothers had 4 or 5. They all had a wonderful sense of humor, and some of the things they said I am just “getting” now!

One of the mothers said I was on the cusp of having a large family, and that I would cross over to that membership when I had another one! Now I know what she meant.

On Ash Wednesday of that year, we all got together for a liturgy. One of the mothers said, “I think I ran out of things to give up!” Now I know what she meant.

Mothers of large families are used to sacrificing everything for their children on a daily basis. Most don’t drink, smoke, or otherwise carry on notoriously bad habits. Some will go without a winter coat so their little one could be better clothed. Most barely have time to brush their hair and put makeup on in the morning.

The question of what to give up has always been difficult for me. I have always had a sound nutritious diet and believe dessert has a healthy place for families. So food is not first on my mind when it comes to self-sacrifice.

In recent years, many ministers have encouraged people to make a positive sacrifice rather than a negative one. Instead of giving something up, they say, try to do more charity, pray more, and be a better person. I have seen this feel-good philosophy be embraced and see it as a “cop-out”.

Giving more to the poor, praying more, and doing charity work above and beyond what you give during the rest of the year should be a given, just like during Advent. Sacrificing something is hard. Christ gave of himself during his entire lifetime on earth and at the end He made the ultimate sacrifice.

He never complained about doing miracles. But when the end was near He had to ask His Father for help in what was to come. This type of sacrifice is the spirit they we are trying to emulate during Lent. We will never come close to what He gave, but we can enter into that realm in a small way.

I like to look at Lent as a chance to become more like Christ. I try to effect a permanent improvement rather than a temporary one. Giving up a vice for a short time is like going on a crash diet, rather than making a change in lifestyle that will last. Where I give up a vice, I try to fill it with a virtue.

One year I gave up yelling. This was really hard. I replaced yelling with calmness and gentleness. I told a friend to increase my accountability. When she asked me how I was doing, I could honestly say I hadn’t yelled – much – and thought I could make a permanent decrease in the amount of yelling I did.

Some positive giving can be good for everyone. You can clean out your closets of all the clothing you and your children do not wear, and donate it. You can clear out your glassware cabinet of extra cups, utensils, etc., and donate it it to a thrift store or food pantry. Clear out your shelves of books you don’t plan on reading again or that the kids have outgrown, and bring them to your library if they have a recycled book program. Have the children go through their toys and stuffed animals, and donate them.

You feel good for clearing out clutter, as well as for the fact that someone else can make good use of the stuff. All that “stuff” has an effect of weighing down your spirit. Remember that the disciples were only allowed to keep one coat.

Praying more is something we can all do, and should do, and not just for Lent. (“Pray without ceasing.”)

I have tried to be encouraging here without any pretence at self-righteousness. “But take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father.” (Matthew 6:1)

Those who are excused from fast or abstinence:
"Besides those outside the age limits, those of unsound mind, the sick, the frail, pregnant or nursing women according to need for meat or nourishment, manual laborers according to need, guests at a meal who cannot excuse themselves without giving great offense or causing enmity and other situations of moral or physical impossibility to observe the penitential discipline."

To find out all about Ash Wednesday click here.

To find out about the 40 Days for Life campaign click here.

Painting above:
Christ in the Wilderness Attended by Angels
Charles de La Foss
1280s-90s
oil painting

Apple Crisp

My good friend called me yesterday to confirm coffee at her house this morning. The two of us have been so busy that it was all we could do to find one hour in which to meet – from exactly 10:15 to 11:15. From there I was going to pick up my children from their half-day at school, then go on to pumpkin picking.

“Have you been fasting?” she asked me on the telephone.

I have to admit I thought this was a test, because she had been the first one to send me the information about the 40 Days for Life call for fasting and prayer.

“I have to admit,” I nervously replied, “I was going to do a modified fast [because I am nursing], but I failed.”

“That’s okay,” she said lightheartedly, “The reason I asked was because I went apple picking and was thinking of making something. I didn’t want to put it in front of you if you were fasting.”

It turns out she had also not been successful in avoiding snacks between meals on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays, as had been called for in the Diocese of Rockville Center. Like me, she had decided to make non-food-related sacrifices. How thoughtful it was of her to desire not to act as a “stumbling block” for me.

I informed her that, even if I had been fasting, the Catholic Fasting Rules allow us to accept food from our hostesses if it would be rude not to do so.

Those who are excused from fast or abstinence:
Besides those outside the age limits, those of unsound mind, the sick, the frail, pregnant or nursing women according to need for meat or nourishment, manual laborers according to need, guests at a meal who cannot excuse themselves without giving great offense or causing enmity and other situations of moral or physical impossibility to observe the penitential discipline.

You can read about the 40 Days for Life as well as the complete Catholic Fasting Rules here.


We had a wonderful homemade apple crisp. I can’t remember the last time I had baked apple goods that actually came from freshly picked apples. What a treat!

For the recipe that goes with the photo above go here.

40 Days for Life

89 cities in 33 states across the nation will unite in a fast called 40 Days for Life from September 26 - November 4. Check with your diocese to see its recommendations for upholding the fast.

In the Diocese of Rockville Centre, Bishop Murphy asks that during those days we not eat between meals on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. He also asks that we abstain from entertainment on Friday and Saturday nights and use that time to read scripture and pray for the restoration of respect for life.

There is also a beautiful prayer by Pope John Paul II that the Bishop asks us to recite during these 40 days after Holy Communion on Sundays and at all other Masses you attend during Respect Life Month:

O Mary,
bright dawn of the new world,
Mother of the living,
to you do we entrust the cause of life
Look Down, O Mother,
upon the vast numbers
of babies not allowed to be born,
of the poor whose lives are made difficult,
of men and women
who are victims of brutal violence,
of the elderly and the sick killed
by indifference or out of misguided mercy.

Grant that all who believe in your Son
may proclaim the Gospel of life
with honesty and love
to the people of our time.

Obtain for them the grace
to accept that Gospel
as a gift ever new,
the joy of celebrating it with gratitude
throughout their lives
and the courage to bear witness to it
resolutely, in order to build,
together with all people of good will,
the civilization of truth and love,
to the praise and glory of God,
the Creator and lover of life.

Amen

*************************************************
A NOTE ON FASTING FOR PREGNANT OR NURSING MOTHERS
*************************************************
I will be following a modified fast because I am a nursing mother. Please read on for the Catholic rules of fasting. (Emphasis added by me.)

"Fasting The law of fasting requires a Catholic from the 18th Birthday [Canon 97] to the 59th Birthday [i.e. the beginning of the 60th year, a year which will be completed on the 60th birthday] to reduce the amount of food eaten from normal. The Church defines this as one meal a day, and two smaller meals which if added together would not exceed the main meal in quantity. Such fasting is obligatory on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. The fast is broken by eating between meals and by drinks which could be considered food (milk shakes, but not milk). Alcoholic beverages do not break the fast; however, they seem to be contrary to the spirit of doing penance.

Those who are excused from fast or abstinence Besides those outside the age limits, those of unsound mind, the sick, the frail, pregnant or nursing women according to need for meat or nourishment, manual laborers according to need, guests at a meal who cannot excuse themselves without giving great offense or causing enmity and other situations of moral or physical impossibility to observe the penitential discipline.

Aside from these minimum penitential requirements Catholics are encouraged to impose some personal penance on themselves at other times. It could be modeled after abstinence and fasting. A person could, for example, multiply the number of days they abstain. Some people give up meat entirely for religious motives (as opposed to those who give it up for health or other motives). Some religious orders, as a penance, never eat meat. Similarly, one could multiply the number of days that one fasted. The early Church had a practice of a Wednesday and Saturday fast. This fast could be the same as the Church's law (one main meal and two smaller ones) or stricter, even bread and water. Such freely chosen fasting could also consist in giving up something one enjoys - candy, soft drinks, smoking, that cocktail before supper, and so on. This is left to the individual.

One final consideration. Before all else we are obliged to perform the duties of our state in life. Any deprivation that would seriously hinder us in carrying out our work, as students, employees or parents would be contrary to the will of God."

---- Colin B. Donovan, STL